On Uncle Sam’s Dime
A Sergeant Shriek Poem
By Mike Stevens
“What is this, a race to see who
can take the longest to finish? Do
you sloths plan on finishing any time today?
Because if you think you’re really moving, I’ve got to say
I’ve never seen ladies I had to time with a sun dial!
I only asked you to run one lousy mile,
yet here you all are, sucking air
like a vacuum cleaner wear-
ing military dress! You clowns make me sick!
stumbling around like you’re tripping on your d***s!
Oh, pardon me, ma’am, I forgot we have a
couple of real women in this outfit today,
as opposed to some of you so-called men who give the rest
of us a bad name! If that’s the best
you can do, half-man, half-women boys,
It’s “not nearly good enough, more laps, ‘ahoy!’”
You heard me right, we’re going to run them again and again,
until I’m satisfied, and you’ll win
a break, but I’ve got to tell you,
better plan on being out here all day, before you are through!"