"Sheer Terror Hang Gliders"

"Sheer Terror Hang Gliders"

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“Just like a bird, only with wings of cloth

You say a prayer and push yourself off

the tall cliff of rock, and sail through the air,

as you drop a huge load in your underwear

"This is living", you squeak to yourself

"Can’t believe I had the gut’s; feels like somebody else

did this thing; I’m so fricking scared!”

To look down, you hardly even dare

You’re so high above the world, you hope you don’t plummet

It’s like common sense meets crazy in a disaster summit

One inner voice is warning you

‘If I auger in from this height, I’m so screwed!'

Another inner voice is screaming out this phrase

‘Come on pansy, don’t listen to what that other voice says!

Don’t be a chicken-s***, just jump, it’s full speed ahead!

Don’t worry, if this fabric fails, you’ll soon be dead!'

Not to worry, however, we only use the best

fabric, it’s just as strong as all the rest

of those other guys with a proven track record

of safety, that they like to lord

over you, the customer. They play on your worries and fears,

after you found your courage in the bottom of a beer

glass, which explains your new-found brave

face (the fear comes in waves)

which you put on when you agreed to go

on a bet with your smart-a**-drunk friends; who are so

aware of your cowardly ways

You wish suddenly you could just stay

on this bar stool, instead of hauling your a**

up this cliff. We understand that you’re a pansy, who’s usually the last

dude to agree with some dumb-a** stunt

But your manhood’s been questioned, you must retain the front

of being a brave guy, instead of a wien-dog

who’s now worried he’ll drop like a log

from this incredible, fog-shrouded height

with only some fabric of super-light

construction to keep you aloft

And below you the earth looks anything but soft

You’d wave to your friends who all look so far below,

but in a death-grip your hands are welded to the bar, don’t you know?

In desperation your eyes seek a good spot;

to bring this b***h in to land is all you want

Doesn’t the above scenario sound oh-so-cool?

Well, buy our gliding deal and don’t be fooled

by other companies who scare the living s**t

out of you by claiming that it

makes any kind of difference about

only choosing safety; by raising a severe doubt

about our brand; they claim it’s not too

safe. But pay close attention to what we’re telling you;

Just because we’ve had a few accidents, doesn’t mean anything

We keep the cost low, so you can afford to be like a bird on the wing

You’ll be living large when you take to the skies

Take a chance on us; you probably won’t die!”