Young Jack he planted a magic seed,
In hopes of growing some epic weed.
When a strange, huge stalk grew instead
He blinked his eyes, laughed and said,
"Man, that is one giant spliff indeed!"
Little Boy Blue must have blown his horn.
His hands are sticky and his pants are torn.
Tended to himself instead of his sheep,
Lost in thoughts of Little Bo Peep.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a sharp spear
That hooked her in the rear
And carried Miss Muffet away.
Little Boy Blue found her in his field of corn
And alerted the police by blowing his horn.
The police quickly came and hauled him away,
Thought he looked guilty and in a state of disarray -
Hands sweaty and sticky and his pants all torn.
Said the scene looked like hard core porn.
He quickly argued he had committed no crime,
"Naughty thoughts aren't enough for one to serve time!
I neglected my sheep and I'm guilty of lust,
so convict me of those two crimes if you must!"
He is now serving time in Mother Goose land,
For ruining a nursery rhyme with one stroke of his hand.
Jack was not nimble, nor was he quick,
He was drunk when he jumped that candlestick.
His friends were all there, cheering him on,
"Go Jack, go Jack, do it for Dawn!"
His voice went high as his bottom went low.
He burned his bum badly and broke his big toe.
His raw, burned skin is peeling and stinky,
And now he has blisters on his wee little winkie!