I've had the same mattress for over twenty-five years.
When my teenage son was having sex on it, a spring went up his rear.
It went up his ass and it got stuck.
I caught him in my bed and he was out of luck.
I was very mad and I started to shout.
A proctologist had to come over to get the spring out.
I knew he had been having sex because he was wearing a rubber.
I tanned his hide and you should've seen him blubber.
He thought he'd get away with it but he did not.
If I hadn't been too cheap to buy a new mattress, he wouldn't have got caught.