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Shit my pants....yay!

Poetry By: The Coyote
Humor



A student loses a battle of wits!!!!! Plausible that this could happen to anyone. Its a real tear jerker...literally! I wrote this while listening to "Dracula theme" from Bram Stoker's Dracula movie. It's not my most tasteful, but then again I ain't, muhahahahaha!


Submitted:Nov 14, 2013    Reads: 38    Comments: 3    Likes: 3   


There I am sitting in class again

Everyone is busy and I bite my pen

Suddenly I feel trouble

My gut begins to bubble

Oh god! The enchilada!

Never should of ate a lotta

Now chewing on my pen

Thinking it will pass as I count to ten

Regretting not going to Cookie World

Asshole friend chose Habanero Chili Swirl

Rumbling getting worse

Gases of a nightmarish curse

Sweat on my forehead beings to pool

My crush beside me will think I am a tool

Clenching hard to avoid a splatter

Losing strength I don't want a flapper

Mrs.Backster blabs about chemical reactions

While I relentlessly fight contractions

My ass was in so much pain

If I don't release I will end up walking with a cane

Face squishes into something grotesque

This is really turning Kafkaesque

Eyes glazed over with dry lips peeling

Twitching looking up at the ceiling

Heavy breathing like I was in labor

Pleading to god for just one favor

Then I gave in with a howl

Emptying out my bowel

The eruption caused everyone to jump

Sloppily shitting my pants in a slump

Everyone plugged their nose

As my ass was still a fudge spraying hose

A frightened Mrs.Backster asked if I was alright

God it burns! I yelled in a sorry plight

Screaming and backing away was my crush

Sticky sludge couldn't keep me from a blush

Helplessly ass blasting in front of their scowls

Chunky, peanutty, jelly, chocolatey fowl

I screamed I can't stop!

My classmates began to drop

Mrs.Backster tried dialing 911

But dropped as she had succumb

With one last hemorrhoid inducing push

The last smelly, crunchy, brownie exited my tush

Sitting in my filthy gravy filled pants of beef

I sighed with relaxing relief

The paramedics, firefighters, and cops showed up

They all looked shocked as I said What?





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