Teacher; Hello, David and Kiersten, and welcome to your
Teacher; Oh, I'm very, very sorry…Kimberly. Anyway, we're here to
talk about your young and meaty child, Matthew.
Father; I'm sorry, what was that you just said?
Father; No, before that.
Teacher; And? Young? Your? About?
Father; No, none of those!
Mother; It's Catherine! And we never said that! You said Matthew
Teacher; No, no! Not meaty as in "I wanna eat him", meaty as
in…the good way.
Father; There's a good way to say a 6-year-old is meaty?
Teacher; What? Lamb racks are meaty and everybody loves them!
Mother; We're vegetarians.
Teacher; Back to your child. I feel that he's just not connecting
with the other children. Like, the other day, they were out in
the playground, giving him a few knuckle sandwiches, and he
didn't even bother to clean up his blood?
Teacher; So I went out there and taught him some manners. May I
compliment your son on his squishiness of the stomach? Quite fat
and entertaining to kick.
Teacher; However, he does provide some light comedy for the class
and myself…if you count sitting in the corner, holding onto his
knees and rocking back and forth as light comedy…
Father; What are you talking about? This is completely
unacceptable! Unacceptable, I say!
Teacher; Whoa, beware the Super Nanny! Come on, Cecilia, control
Mother; My name is Catherine! W-why do you have a problem with
Teacher; No, no, I don't have a problem with him! He's a little
treasure…pity he's not a BURIED treasure…
Father; I don't believe this!
Teacher; No, I just want to get across the fact that your son
isn't quite…the hero he thinks he is. Y'know…"he's not the
messiah, he's a naughty boy!" Hehe, Monty Python…classic.
Mother; Alright, that's… (Father holds her back from attacking
Teacher; Hehehe…"Show me the money!" "Frankly, my dear, I don't
give a damn!" "Shaken, not stirred!"
Father; This is just… (Mother holds HIM back from attacking
Teacher; "I ATE A BABY!"
(Both parents stand, in fury)
Father; We will be going now. Thank you for your time.
(Both parents walk out calmly, but stiffly)
Teacher; It was nice to meet you, Carla.