THE SCIENTIST AND THE MICROWAVES
ESTABLISHING SHOT - HOUSE
Sarah walks down the stairs into the basement. A sign on the
door says "Lab. No Admittance. Important gravity experiments."
Sarah opens the door without knocking, and walks in.
INT. BASEMENT LAB
The MAD SCIENTIST is sitting at the table with a MIND CONTROL
HELMET on his head. Sarah walks up to him. The table has a
sheet tablecloth over it, concealing something very lumpy.
What are you doing here?
There's nothing good on TV and
you're more amusing than watching
reruns of Survivor.
That's not why. Behold, my newest
invention, the mind control helmet!
You came here because I made you!
He takes off the helmet and holds it up triumphantly.
That's a colander with some knobs
on it. You do know that, right?
No it isn't!
He throws the helmet behind him.
Anyway, that's not as cool as this!
He pulls the tablecloth off of the table. An electrocution
victim, POLLY, is lying on the table.
I can raise the dead!!!
Sarah checks for a pulse.
She's alive, Perry.
Scientist slaps her hand away.
No she's not. And my name isn't
Perry, it's Dr. McEvil!
No, McEvil, I got it changed. See?
He pulls out a piece of paper to shows her.
I don't know, I ran out of things
that started with Mc.
Thank you. McFlurr--
Both of them stop to stare at Polly.
Hahaha! It worked!
She wasn't dead!
Never mind that. I have something
else to show you! This is my evil
box of d00m!
No, d00m. It's spelled with zeros,
not o's. Anyway, come and see it!
INT. LAB - LATER
McEvil is staring at a MICROWAVE OVEN with a piece of paper
saying "Evil Box of d00m" on it" on the table. Sarah is
sitting at the table, leaning back, and looking bored. Polly
is holding a table knife and is staring at the power outlet
next to the table.
Behold, the box of d00m with zeros
and not o's! This, my ingenious
invention, uses waves and circuits,
which are important physics things!
McEvil smiles evily at the camera. Sarah yawns. Polly begins
slowly moving the knife towards the power outlet.
So what's it do?
We'll get to that later. Do you
want to know how it works?
(answering a rhetorical)
Great! I'll show you!
Sarah looks at Polly, who is about to stick the knife in the
power socket, and grabs the knife from her.
INT. LAB - STILL LATER
McEvil is holding a clear box full of bouncy bouncy balls,
with two strings on either side. Sarah and Polly are each
holding a string.
This is your food.
No, it's not. It's a clear box full
of bouncy bouncy balls.
In physics-land, this is what your
food looks like. The bouncy bouncy
balls are the water, fat, and sugar
in your food. Now, when there's
He looks at Polly and Sarah, who begin shaking the strings,
Polly very excitedly and Sarah a little halfheartedly.
...the water, fat, and sugar...
Shut up, they start to move.
He begins shaking the box.
And when they move, they generate
heat, cooking the food.
Sarah stops making waves. Polly keeps jumping up and down
So why are these waves only
absorbed by the super bouncy balls?
You mean the water, fat, and sugar?
That's a good, question. Let me
He and Sarah walk out of the room. Polly stays and continues
hopping up and down.
INT. LAB - SECONDS LATER.
Sarah and McEvil walk into the lab from a different door.
Polly is still hopping up and down.
Wait. We left through that
door...and came in here? What's /
(Interrupts at /)
Don't worry about that. Anyway, you
asked me about waves.
He takes the super-ball demonstration from Polly and hides it
under the table.
McEvil takes a hand-drawn (with crayon) poster with a spectrum
on it. Some of the waves clearly don't exist, like "Tsunami
waves," or "Wavey waves," out from under the table.
"Microwaves of DOOM!" is in the center of the spectrum,
circled several times.
Sarah gives the poster an "Are you an idiot?" look. She sits
down at the table.
This is the Wave Spectrum. There's
lots of waves / like...
(Interrupts at /)
WAVEY WAVES! I love wavey waves.
They're so wavey!
That is true. But the kinds of
waves we use is Microwaves, of
So what's so special about
Do you mean Microwaves, of doom?
Well, these microwaves / are
(interrupts at /)
Yes. They're special because they
are only absorbed by water, fat,
and sugar. So you heat your food
without heating the air! Metal
reflects microwaves, which is why
it sparks when you put it in the
evil box of d00m, spelled with
zeros and not o's!
Sparks? SPARKS? Do it! Do it! Do
it! Turn it on! Turn it on! Turn it
McEvil hands her a fork/kinfe/some form of tablewear, and she
jumps happily up and down before trying to put it in the
Sarah jumps up and grabs it from her. Polly fights,
ineffectively, to get it back.
(still 'fighting' Polly)
So, how do you generate these
With circuits. Come, I'll show you!
McEvil and Sarah leave through the door, Polly chasing the
knife in Sarah's hand.
EXT. BACK YARD - AFTERNOONISH
Sarah and McEvil are standing outside, with a GIANT CIRCUIT
SCHEMATIC drawn on the ground. Polly is running around in
So what are we doing out here?
This is a circuit.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
They both stop to glare at her.
Anyway, electrons flow through the
I want to be an electron!
Okay, you can be an electron.
Polly begins running around the circuit.
So electrons flow through the
circuit from the voltage source.
Like an electrical socket!
...Right. So what's that.
Sarah points to the resistor in the circuit.
That's a resistor. Resistors can be
anything, like, for example, the
evil box of d00m!
When Polly passes the resistor, she begins hopping on one foot
to show that she has passed the resistor.
Power outlets have a lot of voltage
and current, so it's not safe to do
things like putting pennies in
That's how I died!
There's another awkward pause.
You know you were never actually
INT. LAB - LATER
Sarah, McEvil, and Polly are all sitting at the table. The
evil box of d00m is sitting on the table.
Well, I have to admit it, Perry...
Whatever, anyway, this isn't all
that bad of an invention. There's
just one problem with it.
Sarah pulls the paper off of the microwave.
It's a microwave oven.
What, no it isn't...
He looks at the microwave, opens the door, and looks inside.
Hey! They stole my idea!
Polly holds up a bag of popcorn.