Invasion of the Pony Tails Strippers!
By Teri Cross Chetwood & Brucek
Part Two: The Goodman Blimp
A long series of "pops" are heard throughout the bar.
Brucek: What the hell!? All of my customers have disappeared!
Rose: Not all of them, honey. I'm still here.
Brucek: I wonder why you didn't go along with all the rest of them.
Mary Jane: I'm still in your pocket too, Bruce.
Rose: Do you really have to wonder? Hmmmmmmmmmm...........gosh, let me see.............the only female characters that you've ever created are still here, while all of the male ones are gone. I'd say they're probably partying with the strippers.
Brucek: Huh, what do you know.
Rose: So, what do you know about this Teri Chetwood person anyway?
Brucek: Not much. She's nice, and she's a really good writer.
Rose: Oh really. Well, do you know what she looks like?
Brucek: No, actually, but what difference does that make? What we've got to do is go to her house and wake her up. She's taking over my script with this dream of hers.
Rose: For all you know, she could be four hundred pounds, all hairy, with huge tusks coming out of her mouth.
Mary Jane: Oh for God's sake Rose! Do you have to be such a jealous bitch?
Rose: My guess is her home will be behind some bars at the zoo.
Brucek: Rose!! Enough already! I don't care what she looks like. What the hell's the matter with you!? Look, I'll take you two along if you want to help, but Rose, you're going to have to behave yourself.
Mary Jane: Do you even know where she lives?
Brucek: Well, at least that won't be a problem. All I have to do is add some new lines to my script.
Brucek takes a small notebook out of his back pocket and starts to write, "Brucek, Rose, and Mary Jane appear in front of Teri Chetwood's house." Instantaneously, all three appear outside of the front gate of Teri's home.
Rose: What if she isn't dreaming? What if she just decided to write her characters into your skit? How can you be so sure?
Brucek: I'm not. I just don't think she would do that. My guess is she's either dreaming of having a chemically induced hallucination.
Rose: Oh...........another one of your drug addict friends.
Mary Jane: Hey!
Brucek: (after examining the fence attached to the gate) Jesus!! This thing's electrified!
Rose: I guess "real" authors don't want their fans bothering them all the time.
Brucek: I'm not going to bother her............well, okay, showing up at her home uninvited with two of my fictional characters and waking her up just might appear, to a stranger, like I'm bothering her...........
Mary Jane: So what are you going to do?
Brucek: Write myself up to her front door!
After changing more lines in his notebook, he is suddenly standing at Teri's front door. He rings the door bell, and from inside several large dogs can be heard barking. Several very large, angry dogs.
Rose: Ha! Sounds like she doesn't want strange men showing up at her door.
Fifteen minutes of ringing, knocking, and barking prove futile.
Alice: Okay Bruce! It's not my fault, she's paranoid.
Gretchen: Bruce isn't here Alice.
Alice: I know, but he's having a few problems.
Li'l Bit: He's having problems? We're a thousand feet up, passengers on a blimp that looks like a three hundred foot..............
Bianca: Don't say it, the Queen is present!
Queen Victoria: We are not amused.
Shadowcat: Shit girl, I'll say it. We flyin' on a fuckin' huge cock in the sky, and we danglin' underneath jus' like...........
Queen Victoria: We are, most definitely, not amused. Quite uncivilized! And where are we to freshen ourselves way up here?
Gretchen: We have John with us?
John: How may I help you, your majesty?
Queen Victoria: Uh! Quite uncivilized!
Gretchen: Christ, I can't believe Teri has dreams like this!
Shadowcat: Are you serious, girl? She writes 'bout strippers an' sprays that turn everybody horny! How does this surprise you?
Brucek suddenly materializes.
Brucek: Okay ladies, I'm here! What the hell? Where are we?
Alice: Bruce! What's cooking, good looking?
Brucek: Hi Alice. Are we in a blimp?
Freaky Frieda: Yeah! I like it! If you open the door and lean way out, you can see...........
Gretchen: You can see your impending death. Would you get your ass back in here?
Li'l Bit: Hello! What's that you have in your pocket there, Bruce 'ol buddy?
Mary Jane: My name is Mary Jane. And no, you can't light me up.
Brucek: Mary Jane's one of my characters, Li'l Bit.
Li'l Bit: Damn it!
Gretchen: So what took you so long? Where have you been?
Brucek: I was over at Teri's house. I was going to wake her up. This dream of hers is getting bizarre. (Brucek looks out the window at the side of the blimp) Does that say what I think it says?
Gretchen: Yep, the "Goodman" blimp. You were at Teri's?
Shadowcat: You lucky she didn't taser yo ass.
Gretchen: Did you meet her three "Dobermans"?
Brucek: I sure heard them barking. Teri never came to the door.
Gretchen: You know what she named them?
Freaky Frieda: He he he he!
Gretchen: Rip, Maul, and Swallow.
Shadowcat: You lucky you still alive, son.
Brucek: Well shit! I'll just let you lovely ladies deal with Teri then. I still have all my limbs, so that's a plus.
Alice: Can't you help us Bruce? Everybody thinks we should get down from here. Everybody in my head, anyway. Can't you use your notebook to write us down?
Brucek: That's what I was thinking. This blimp thing has a huge hard on, so I'm thinking all I have to do is write that it loses its erection. If it's smaller, there should be less lift, and we should go down.
Gretchen: Why can't you just write, "suddenly all the characters were on the ground"?
Brucek: If she was writing I could, but dreams are too powerful and unpredictable.
Gretchen: Well, give it a try.
Brucek took out his notebook one more time and wrote several lines. The enormous blimp lost its proud shape and started to shrink. Seconds later, however, it regained the exact size and shape it had previously.
Brucek: What the hell!? I wonder why that happened?
Rose: Bruce, you're probably the most clueless person I've ever met. Have you noticed that there's six very sexy women here? They're strippers Bruce, what do you think it was going to do?
Brucek: Oh. Shit. I notice that. Well, does anyone else have any ideas?
Part Three coming soon on Teri's page! Go look! It'll be fun!