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the end at the end of the road

Script By: brucek
Humor


Tags: Chair, Rock, Bar, Beer, Music


the ending of a series of humor skits written by brucek and zin dar


Submitted:Aug 9, 2011    Reads: 61    Comments: 10    Likes: 4   


ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To make sense of anything in this skit, the reader is strongly encouraged to read, in order

1. A curve in the road ahead, by Brucek

2. A curve in the script ahead, by Zin Dar

3. Rose at the side of the road, by Brucek

4. Cat at the side of the road, by Zin Dar

Zin Dar enters his own skit to help Kecurb escape, thinking that he would be able to exit along with him. However something goes awry and just like that he finds himself stuck. He asks Brucek for help and suddenly a wild chair appears.

Zin Dar: Hey! This is the best you can do? A wicker rocking chair?

Chair: Dude! I'm not a rocking chair. I'm a ROCKIN' CHAIR!! Like Rock and Roll man! I'm talkin' about music, dude! You know, Zeppelin? The Stones?............The Beatles?

Zin Dar: Fuck! This is supposed to help me?

Chair: Be cool man! Bruce sent me to help you. He wants me to give you a little tour and then take you to the end of the road.

Zin Dar: Oh, that sounds all right. Then I can get out of here?

Chair: Sure man! But first you need to get a little more mellow. You're freaking me out. HEY BRUCE! CAN YOU SEND ME MARY JANE?! (A crude, three inch long home rolled appears in the arm of the chair) Hey, can you light me up?

Zin Dar: That's not marihuana, is it?

Chair: Dude! It's for medicinal purposes only! Hey, if you don't have a light, I can probably get Bruce to.........

Zin Dar: No, I've got a lighter, but you know I don't smoke that shit.

Chair: Shshshshshsh. You'll hurt her feelings man. (Zin Dar flicks his lighter) You're going to have to hold it up to my wicker, man. Ya see, I can't move my arms.

Zin Dar: Sorry. (Zin Dar holds the joint up to the chair as he starts to light it)

Mary Jane: Aeeeeeeha!! Ahhhhch! Aeeeeah!! Stop!! (Zin Dar jumps a foot into the air and then furiously starts to flick off the lit end off the joint)

Zin Dar: YOU MEAN IT'S ALIVE!!?

Mary Jane: You're God damn right I'm alive. Gaaaaah! That hurts! Chair! Why do you always try to do that!? You don't see me going around trying to set you on fire, do you?

Chair: (sighs) Aww man, I'm sorry. It's just been so long since I've had any.

Mary Jane: Come on! You get high so much I'm surprised you're not floating off into the atmosphere.

Chair: I'm a Rocker!

Mary Jane: You're a Pot Head!

Zin Dar: OK...........Let's argue about this later. What did you mean earlier about giving me a tour?

Chair: Well, Bruce heard you were a little on the philosophical side so he wanted me to show you how cool this world is before we go to the end of the road.

Zin Dar: Cool?

Chair: Yeah man. Heavy.

Mary Jane: He's from the sixties. I'll be happy to interpret for you if you want.

Zin Dar: No, I've got it. OK.............so..............what do I do?

Chair: Dude! What do you think you do with a chair. You sit on me!

Zin Dar: I don't want to sit on you.

Chair: Man, just park you ass on here and we can slide on down the road.

Zin Dar: Are you sure?

Chair: I've never seen a nicer set of buns! Go ahead and sit. Then we ride! (Zin Dar settles himself into the chair) This will take a little while. Might as well relax. Want me to rock for you?

Zin Dar: Sure.

Chair: There's a lady who's sure

All that glitters is gold

And she's buying a stairway to heaven

And when.........

Mary Jane:OKaaaaay! So, what part of the world are you from? I noticed a little bit of an accent.

Zin Dar: I'm from Norway.

Chair: Hey! I was still in the intro man!

Mary Jane: Why don't you try humming to yourself.

Chair: You just interupted one of the greatest rock songs ever made!

Mary Jane: No, I interupted you trying to sing one of the greatest rock songs ever made, there's a big difference.

Zin Dar: Guys! I'm having a really bad day. Can we just get to where we're going?

Chair: You got a problem with me talking to the man?

Mary Jane: Please do.

Chair: I've got a question for you guy, who do you think kicked ass the most at Woodstock, Richie Havens doing "Freedom", or Santana doing "Soul Sacrifice"? I was at Woodstock ya know.

Mary Jane: He was on the front porch of an old lady's house three blocks away.

Chair: I could still hear all the music.

Zin Dar: uh.......that was before my time.

Chair: Well, which song did you like better?

Zin Dar: Richie who?

Chair: Havens, man, Havens!! What kind of music are you into?

Zin Dar: I like all kinds of music! I just don't know any of those oldies.

Chair: Oldies?!

Mary Jane: It's time you started to face the facts, Chair.

Chair: I ain't facing shit! That was great music.

Zin Dar: What in the hell is that?

Zin Dar points up to the sky ahead. Everywhere he looks are more roads, some near to the ground, some far, far away, some on an angle, some intersecting the road that they're on. Thousands of them.

Chair: That, my friend, is the way Brucek imagines everyone's creativity...........It's a lot better if you're stoned.

Zin Dar: What, everyone has one?

Chair: Everyone creative enough does. See, we're all on our own creative journey man, with our own places and characters and scenery. Isn't it cool?

Zin Dar: It's amazing! Do I have one?

Chair: I don't know man, do you?

Zin Dar: I hope so.

Chair: And right up around this next curve is the end of the road...........................................Hey Sign!

Sigh: Hey Chair!

Chair: He sure does get around.

Chair and Zin Dar slide on down the road and around the curve. A few hundred feet off to the left of the road is a large beat up looking brick building. As they approach the entrance Zin Dar is able to read the sign above the door. It reads "End of the Road".

Zin Dar: The "End of the Road" is a bar?

Chair: Not just a bar. This is Brucek's place. It's where all of his characters hangout after he's created them. Come on man, let's go get a drink.

Zin Dar and Chair enter the bar. The place is busy and loud, with all sorts of interesting people and creatures walking about and laughing. And drinking. The bar is long and narrow, and runs the length of the room to the right. To the left is a large open entryway to another long narrow room, with many chairs and tables set up facing a stage where a rock band is setting up it's equipment.

Chair: Hey Bruce! Guess who finally made it dude!

Brucek: Is this Zin Dar!? Hey! It's really great to meet you! I was wondering when you would show up.

Zin Dar: Wow! Brucek in the flesh. (looks around) You have a bar in your own skit? This is a nice place. And you're the bartender. Cool! All right, all right..........um.........I'll have whatever comes in a large glass and tastes like beer.

Brucek: You got it! (starts to pour his beer) Yeah, I was able to make some arrangements for BOOKSIE to go offline for a few hours. Everybody said they wanted to be here.

Chair: Excuse me guys, I just need to go talk to my man for a minute. (Chair slides over to Merlin and transacts some business in a shadowy corner)

Zin Dar: Well, what's going on?

Brucek: We're celebrating the end of the skit! Thought we might as well go out with a bang! You should recognize a lot of these guys. Line's over in the corner curled up on the floor. I'm afraid he got started a little too early...........Kecurb and Rose you already know.

Kecurb: Glad you could make it Zin Dar.

Zin Dar: Thanks!

Brucek: They've been talking a few things through, getting to know each other better.

Zin Dar: Well, that's good.

Brucek: And Sign and Roll are in the other room shooting pool. We even have a CCR cover band that will be starting in a few minutes. You'll like them. They're good.

Kecurb: You know, I've been thinking about that Bruce. You're the creator of this skit. You have the power to do whatever you want. Why not have the real thing? I would love to see Creedence live.

Brucek: You think I should?

Kecurb: What the hell!

Brucek: You're right, what the hell!

Brucek reaches to a shelf below the bar and brings out a large spiral bound notebook. He takes a pencil out of a glass jar on the counter and starts to erase a few lines of the skit. At the same moment four distinct pops can be heard from the direction of the stage. Brucek then writes new lines into the erased space and a different band appears.

Kecurb: Creedence Clearwater Revival. Holy shit. You did it.

Brucek: Circa 1970, I hope.

An electric buzz flows through the bar, from the stage back to the farthest corners. Conversations stop in mid sentance as recognition begins to dawn. Finally, someone is able to push the words past the lump in their throat and say, "That's John Fogerty!". When the electricity reaches Zin Dar a tingling feeling crawls up and down his spine. From the frozen, rapt attention of every single person and character he realizes that something very special is about to happen and he's going to be a part of it. With simple, practiced motions of John Fogerty's hands he begins to play. And Zin Dar instantly recognizes the song.

Zin Dar: Is this really CCR?

Brucek: Sure is.

When he begins to play something magical happens. Toes start to tap all on their own. Goofy smiles light up faces everywhere. A few eyes begin to tear. And this is what they hear.

-

Left a good job in the city,

Workin' for The Man every night and day,

Bet I never lost one minute of sleepin',

Worryin' 'bout the way things might have been.

-

Big wheels keep on turnin'

Proud Mary keep on burnin'

Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river..........

-

And no one can think of a time they felt so good.

Zin Dar: This is so cool! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!! DAMN!!

All Bruce can do is smile.

The End





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