Sob Story Episode 10
Hard-ons and Hangovers.
The episode opens with Greg running after Lacey.
Greg. Lacey wait up!
Lacey. Beat it, I told you it will never happen.
Greg is out of breath, heaving. He puts out his hand as Lacey walks away.
Cut to Andrew in the hospital.
Heather is by his side.
Heather. Honey, when you feel better I scheduled you and Greg an appointment at the substance abuse clinic.
Andrew. Could you tell me about it later I have a massive hangover.
She leave quietly.
Greg. Dude, you don't look good.
No matter, you owe me for ruining my party.
Andrew. Can't it wait?
Greg. Your Magic Mike act got my party shut down, so no.
Andrew. But I have a massive hangover.
Greg. He picks up Andrew over his shoulder, and carries him out of the hospital.
(Andrew is kinda out of it due to the meds he got for his injuries.)
He straps Andrew into the seat of his van
and drives away.
Andrew falls asleep on the way their.
When he wakes up they are at
Pot-O-Gold strip club.
He is no longer in his hospital gown.
Andrew. Dude, I got a girlfriend!
I can't go in there!
Greg. You owe me.
Greg. And I invited somebody.
Andrew. Let's just get this over with.
They enter the strip club. Andrew spots Cliff at the bar.
Greg. Hey Cliff!
Cliff. I'm glad you invited me.
Andrew. You invited him! My mortal enemy!
He doesn't even like girls!
Cliff. They have male dancers here to.
Greg. I invited you both here to talk about Lacey.
Just then an announcer says.
Announcer. Please put your hands together for Lacy Panties
And her stripper-chauns.
A stripper walks out her face obscured by green smoke, followed by dwarf male strippers.
As the smoke clears we see who it is.
Andrew and Greg. Lacey!
Andrew. hides his face
Greg. Cheers for here
Lacey. Hey guys, sorry if this is awkward.
A friend needed me to fill in for her
Greg. Sticks money in her clover leaf bra for a lap dance.
She throws Greg's money back at him, and leaves the stage.
Leaving the dwarf strippers alone on stage.
Andrew. (Still hiding his face) Can we leave now?
Greg. No, not until Lacey tells me she is sorry for letting Ramone stick his huge penis knife into her vagina and into my heart.
Andrew. That analogy is just gross!
Cliff. These strippers are lame.
Cliff leaves leaving Andrew and Greg alone.
Announcer. Give those leprechauns a round of applause for shaking their moneymakers! And now welcome Latisha the
Lacey comes from backstage wearing her street clothes
Lacey. Why did you have to ruin my performance Greg?
I do 'Strip Charity'. It is where I volunteer at a local strip club
in place of one of the strippers. I then donate the money I make to charity. The lady whose place I took just so happened to be my friend!
Greg. I'm sorry.
Andrew. That seems kinda backwards.
Lacey. Well you think I'm a bitch anyway!
Andrew. Well you are one!
Unexpectedly Greg leans over and kisses Lacey.
Lacey. What the hell Greg?
Greg. I was horny.
Lacey. Damn! You're a good kisser!
Greg. Did you change your mind?
Greg. Then hop in my car!
We can go to your place.
Lacey. OK, but what about Andrew.
Greg. He can find his own way home.
Andrew. I'm right here you know!
Greg. Fine, I guess we can drop you off if we have to.
Andrew. You dragged me here in the first place!
They ignore Andrew and walk to Greg's car.
Lacey. Eww this thing is as dump!
Let's drive my car.
They walk over to Lacy's sports car.
Greg. Wow look at this baby!
Andrew. Can we just go, I don't feel so good.
Cut to them in the car, Lacey is driving.
Greg. How much money did you make for charity?
Lacey. I'm rich so the money doesn't matter.
I just like to volunteer at different places.
Andrew. So that's why I saw you at the hospital, and on the cruise! You really know how to ruin my life. Bitch!
Lacey. I wish you would stop calling me that. It is degrading to women.
Andrew. And stripping isn't?
Lacey. Point taken.
Andrew. Do you have any pain meds?
I feel awful.
Lacey. Check the glove compartment.
Greg. Opens the glove compartment and hands Andrew a small blue pill.
Andrew takes it from Greg.
He puts it in his pocket for later.
Cut to later at Andrew's apartment.
He is on the phone with Greg.
(He is yelling at Greg)
Andrew. What the hell did you give me!
Greg. I don't know.
Andrew. Go check!
Greg. OK,OK, I will check.
Greg. Dude, don't be mad but I gave you a penis drug.
Andrew. That is for people with erectile dysfunction.
Andrew. It gives you a boner if can't get one.
But it has been two hours and mine won't go away!
Greg. It says that is one of the side effects.
Andrew. I feel like my dick needs a support bra!
Greg. Sorry dude, I was distracted by Lacey.
It turns out she loves role playing!
Andrew. Good for you.
Now about my raging hard-on!
Greg. It says to go to the doctor if the erection lasts longer than four hours.
Andrew. I'm going now, bye.
Greg. Bye, Hope your dick problem is fixed.
Andrew. Hangs up the phone
Just as Heather is unlocking the front door.
Heather. Looks down at his erection.(through his pants)
Heather. Well you're happy to see me aren't you?
Andrew. I took Viagra by accident.
Heather. Let me guess Greg?
Can you cover that thing up it is very distracting.
He puts a pillow over his crotch
Andrew. Yes, Greg! He dragged me to a strip club against my will!
Heather. Uh hu, sure.
(She sound sarcastic)
Andrew. I'm not lieing, he kidnapped me from the hospital,
Changed my clothes into something less hospital gownish, and on top of all that he made me sit next to Cliff at the strip club. Don't worry I didn't look.
Heather. Poor baby. If you didn't have an erection problem I would give you a massage.
Andrew. Will you drive me to the hospital?
I don't think I can drive like this.
Heather. OK, you just take it easy.
Cut to them driving to the hospital.
On the way there (out of frame ) Heather keeps grabbing Andrew's penis instead of the stick shift. Each time she does this he grunts in pain, and she apologizes.
They finally arrive at the hospital.
Andrew. My junk is so sore.
Heather. I said I was sorry.
Andrew. I know just sign me up.
Heather. You were signed in earlier when you were first brought here.
Andrew. OK, then wheel me to my room.
Andrew is sitting in a wheel chair with the pillow still at his crotch. Heather wheels him into the room.
Andrew changes into his hospital gown. When he puts it on it has a huge tent in the crotch area.
He gets in bed. Heather leaves and goes to find the doctor.
The doctor walks in with a syringe, reaches under Andrew's sheet and injects it into his penis.
His erection deflates like a balloon.
Andrew. Thanks doc.
Doctor. You're welcome. It's a good thing we had the drug to counter-act Viagra on hand. Since your friend kidnapped you from the hospital we want you to stay an extra day.
The episode ends with the camera panning upward toward the ceiling.