My Writing Life with Ned

My Writing Life, with Ned (inner critic)

Don: Well, here we are.

Ned: Are you talking to me?

Don: Who else would I be talking to?

Ned: I don’t know; you’re always talking to lots of people.

Don: Hmmm, I guess you’re right.

Ned: Of course I’m right.

Don: O.K. but if I’m talking to someone else, why are you answering me?

Ned: Oops, I suppose you’ve figured out that I can always tell whom you are addressing.

Don: Yes, I realize that you always listen to whatever I’m thinking, and I thank you for that.

Ned: Your welcome; that’s pretty much the only reason that I’m here.

Don: Great, now that we have that settled, let’s get on with the matter at hand.

Ned: Absolutely; you’re the boss.

Don: What do you think of all this writing business?

Ned: I think it’s pretty haphazard, and it sure is a lot of work.

Don: What are you complaining about? I have to originate everything.

Ned: That’s true, but have you ever stopped to think how much drivel I have to consider and then decide if any of it is actually worth paying attention to?

Don: Actually, I have, and as a consequence, I’ve developed certain practices which allow me to help take the load off.

Ned: Like what?

Don: Primarily, I think, the most useful technique is to have a song running in the background, always ready to step in, whenever the situation calls for it. For instance; right now the song happens to be, “Say you will, say you won’t, make up your mind this time, etc… be mine tonight”, by the group Foreigner.

Ned: I know, it’s a pretty catchy one, but often, I get tired of hearing it over and over.

Don: Me too, but the only cure is to replace it with something else.

Ned: All you have to do is put on something else?

Don: Yeah, I feed the stuff through whatever means; radio, recorded music or memories.

Ned: That’s right! Then I decide what to keep, but remember, sometimes the music comes from an external source, which someone else may have chosen.

Don: You’re the smart one.

Ned: I try.

Don: Wait a minute, hold it right there, I think we’re getting side-tracked. One; we’re supposed to be discussing my writing life here, and two; we’re supposed to be arguing.

Ned: Let’s do it then.

Don: O.K. I’ve been thinking about all the stuff that I’ve already been learning in this class, so far.

Ned: Like what?

Don: There you go; putting me on the spot; making me feel insecure.

Ned: You’re the one who has to ease off the pressure. Remember? I’m just the one giving advice.

Don: No, I think it’s a two way street.

Ned: I don’t see how we are going to get anything accomplished, if we’re arguing.

Don: That’s how we settle debates.

Ned: My point is that if we weren’t arguing, there would be no debate.

Don: You always have to take the defensive, don’t you?

Ned: Oh, contraire, it’s my job to point out when you’re being unreasonable.

Don: I’m sitting here trying to discuss forming better writing habits, by becoming regular with them and learning to get into a familiar posture to write, by creating certain rituals which help me associate mood with writing.

Ned: Don’t let me stop you.

Don: So, it’s my entire fault again, huh?

Ned: You’re the boss. Hey, I just noticed something else that you’re learning, which helps illustrate the very point that you tried to make a minute ago. You said, “You’re the boss,” that ties in with using repetition, as a tool to make your writing more enjoyable; as you already said that, once before.

Don: What do you mean? You’re the one who said it.

Ned: I don’t say anything; I just tell you what to say.

Don: Dang, I see what you mean; these writing exercises are interesting and kind of fun.

Ned: Sure they are; you just like complaining about all the work.

Don: I’m not complaining.

Ned: No, but you keep thinking it. See? One of my jobs is to offer moral support.

Don: You call that moral support? I can’t get away with anything around you.

Ned: Oh yeah? Next, you’re going to call me schizophrenic, with multiple personality disorder.

Don: If the shoe fits, wear it.

Ned: I don’t wear shoes.

Don: I was speaking metaphorically.

Ned: I know; another job of mine is…crap! I forgot what I was going to say!

Don: So, it’s you! You’re the one giving me writers block.

Ned: If it makes you feel better to think so.

Don: It does.

Ned: So be it.

Don: I hope the reader thinks that this is as funny as I think it is.

Ned: It’s not for you to say what they think.

Don: I didn’t tell them what to think, I said, I hope.

Ned: Now you’re putting them on the spot; if they think it’s funny, they will, if not, they won’t.

Don: Enough! I think we’re losing ground again.

Ned: You make the final decisions, but I have to agree with you.

Don: If that’s the case, how come you, hardly, ever do?

Ned: What do you mean? I just did.

Don: I said, “Hardly”, not, never.

Ned: Haven’t we gone over this already, in this paper? I give you the opposing or contrary opinions, in order to help you decide which train of thought seems more logical.

Don: So, it’s a group effort, after all.

Ned: Indeed. (Music starts playing in head) This time it’s Devo: “It’s not too late, to whip it, into shape, go forward, get straight,” etc…

Don: Good choice (laughs to self). Music cont. “Crack that whip!”