the crew consists of 5 people
at first only 3 seats are seen on stage
there is a loud ringing noise like a mobile phone
person 3 shouts to person 1 to go get the phone, they reply got it
person 2 enters the stage from the left, with a book and trips, strides over to the otherside and trips over the chairs, grins to themselves and sits with the book
person 3 enters shouting to person 1 about whos on the phone
person 2 gives them an evil stare
person 3 mistakes it for a welcome gesture and cheerfully walks towards person 2, dancing a little as they walk
Person 3: Excuse me good Sir but may I have your seat?
person 2 huffs and mover over with lots of complaints
person 3 grins sits and taps his chair and cracks his knuckles and generally makes lots of noise and is really annoying
people 4 and 5 enter together laughing spot person 3 and wave, he returns the wave and they walk towards him3
Person 3: Good fellow would you be so kind as to move along two seats for my dear friends
person 2 huffs again, moves along and falls to the floor, hitting himself with the book, and gives person 3 the biggest glare before standing and dusting himself down
Person 2: (sacastically) Good Sir would it be possible to move back so that I may have a chair?
Person 3: then where would I sit?
muttering under his breath he walks to the other side of the three chairs
Person 2: (louder and more agressivly) would you budge over so I can sit please?
person 1 enters with a phone and a piece of rope attatched to something off stage
Person 1: would you mind if I put you on hold? I have my mother on the other line
person 1 holds up the string and then puts his phone in his pocket and throws the rope off stage,everyone stares at him
Person 1: Sorry I'm a bit late, I was jumping one legged over some whiskey...Hopscotch
snaps his fingers while pointing at the girls (person 4 and 5) and they laugh half heartedly
Person 1: Anyhow I'm only passing by
looks at person 4
Person 1: do you know where I can find a sweedish furniture shop?
person 4: (in an australian accent) does it look like I care?
person 1: (mistaking it for Ikea) oh yes thats what its called! Left or right?
person 4 glares at him and person 5 points with his thumb to the right
person 1 nods respectfully and walks off
person 3: (to person 4 and 5 as if trying to chat them up) the last girlfriend I had was a clumsy cleaner...mmm...she swept me off my feet
person 4 and 5 laugh whille giving each other looks as if to say what is he on
person 3: (thinking they're finding him brilliant) do you know what happened to the football fan who listened to a match?
person 4 and 5 shake their heads and looking scared for the answer
person 2: (butting in because he can't keep quiet) he got a burnt ear!
person 2 and 3 crack up and say a load of jokes between them of equal qualitly (like what roman numeral can climb a wall? IV etc.
person 1 re-enters shaking his head at the bad jokes and sighing
person 3:oh you're back
person 1: yep!
person 3: what did you get?
person 1: get? I went because my old pencil snapped and it was cheaper!
person 1 holds up an Ikea pencil like a trophie
person 3: (laughs then realises its a good idea) I want a new pencil too
person 1 gestures his to come over and they walk off together
person 4 and 5 look at each other, look at person 2, look at each other, and get up slowly and walk away quickly
person 2 looks up and looks surprised that there is no one there
he reads for a bit
then he looks up again
person 2: it's quiter when they're not around....wait up!
runs off in the wrong direction, there is a loud crash noise, he runs on stage covered in garbage, slows and looks at the audience, nods once and speed walks off to the other side
if there is an encore person 1 should make the joke of 'I'm but we only do on stage performances'