(Bella was at the hotel)
(The phone rings and Bella
James: "Geez could you pick a more
ghetto way to answer the phone?"
Bella: "Well was I supposed to know
it was you? And what took you so long?"
James: "I lost your trail and then,
well I had to get your mom. Hey, do me a favor and go to your
house. You'll get directions there,
oh and could you hurry up? Your mom
keeps on trying to take her clothes off! No body wants to see an
old hag naked!"
Bella: "Hey! Don't call my mom like that! And tell her to quit
being a slut and that I'm telling Phil."
James: please hurry! Theres a note
by the phone.
(Bella runs to her house and reads
Bella: "Ok so it says "who is the
son of my grandfather and is not my uncle?" a riddle? Damn! I
suck at riddles! oh my god! I'm
good at something! I suck at
everything! I can't wait til i tell Edward!
(Bella looks at the bottom of the
Bella: Oh! I'm supposed to go to
the ballet studio!
(Bella runs to the studio)
Renee: "Bella, Bella? Bella where
Bella: "Mom! I'm telling Phinl that
you're a hoe!"
Renee: "Bella, Bella? Bella where
Bella: "I'm right here you
James: "Forks High School doesn't
protect their student's privacy very well you know?"
Bella: "Those mother..."
James: "Hey! No time to get mad
Bella: "Where's that bitch? She's
gonna get a beating..."
James: "Ummm yea about that you see
phil found out she was here and he took her. i'm so grateful! I
was getting ready to kill that
Bella" "Well thats one less thing
to worry about, by the way I didn't understand your little
James: "Yea neither did I, that's
why I was gonna ask you but I guess you're not as smart as I
James: "You're here! And you know
I'm gonna kill you!"
Bella: "Oh! Well, I never thought
of it like that."
James: "Well I borrowed a camera
from your house I hope you don't mind."
Bella: "No, it's ok."
James: "OH MY GOD!!! What ever I
borrowed it to record your will, now ready? lights camera,
action! Now tell Edward to avenge
you tell him!"
Bella: "Hold up! I stilll haven't
mad my will!"
(Bella looks into the
Bella: "Edward umm... if you decide
to kill yourself, before you do get me some bojangles*, I want a
chicken sandwich with dirty
rice and iced tea to enjoy in
James: "For the of..! Would you
Bella: "Oh! You want something
James: "oh yea! I wold like some
dirty rice... I DRINK BLOOD YOU STUPID!!!"
Bella: "Well, get James blood
(James breaks bella's leg)
Bella: "Ow! oh shit you broke my
leg! oh no my mom's gonna get pissed! That's the sixth time I
break my leg in three months!"
James: "OH MY GOD! you're even more
retarded than victoria said!"
(The cullen family arrives)
Emmett: "So what are we waiting
for? lets kill him!"
(Emmett and Jasper were walking
towards James while bella screams)
Alice: "Wait! James before you die
you have to know the answer of the riddle."
James: "what is it?"
Alice: "It's your father you idiot!
He's your grandfather's son and he's not your uncle!"
James: "Nooo! thats why he died! he
thought I loved him that much that I would think it was him, and
(Bella started screaming even
Edward: "Oh shit I forgot about
(He runs to bella)
Edward: "Bella love did you get
(Bella stops screaming and sits
Bella: "No you idiot I got kissed
and that's why I'm screaming in pain!"
(She lays back down and starts
Carlisle: "Edward you need to take
out the venom"
Edward: "Wait did she get bitten or
Carlisle: "Yes you retard,
Edward: "Well you could have said
Carlisle: "Take out the damn
Edward: "but that would be like
kissing James!!! eeeeewwwwww!!!"
Carlisle: "Are you gonna save her
yes or no?"
Edward: "Ok Ok fine!"
(Edward sucks the venom out)
(Yells at James burning)
Edward: "Your venom tastes like
shit! you should brush your teeth! oh wait he's dead he can't
brush them anymore."
(Bella sits up with her arm still
in Edward's mouth)
Bella: "Edward do you want to kill
me? STOP YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"
Emmet: "James is dead now."
James: "No I'm not!"
James: "Or atleast not
(In the back of the studio Alice
and Jasper were playing soccer with James' head)
James: "Dammit! Quit kicking my
face! it hurts!"
Emmett: "Alice throw that in the
James: "No no no no
Jasper: "Well that's the end of
Carlisle: "Let's go home! Esmee
said she would give me a well deserved treat when I get
(Everyone laughs and Bella starts
Bella: (stops screaming) "What? oh
you already got the venom out...whoops!"
Edward: "lets go home you
Bella: "by the way I found out
Edward: "and what is that?"
Bella: "I suck at
Edward: "Awesome! I cant wait til
our honey moon!"
Bella: "Honey moon?" ( starts
gasping for air and screams) "NOOOOOOOOO.....!!!!"
*BOJANGLES = bojangles is a southern restaurant known for their
great tasting chicken.