Page 1, This is a short parody which was created my freshman year a few years ago when there was still the whole twilight craze because the first movie was coming out. Me and a couple of my closest friends did this, we each wrote our own script.... here\'s mine.
(Bella was at the hotel)
(The phone rings and Bella answers
James: "Geez could you pick a more ghetto way to answer the phone?"
Bella: "Well was I supposed to know it was you? And what took you so long?"
James: "I lost your trail and then, well I had to get your mom. Hey, do me a favor and go to your house. You'll get directions there,
oh and could you hurry up? Your mom keeps on trying to take her clothes off! No body wants to see an old hag naked!"
Bella: "Hey! Don't call my mom like that! And tell her to quit being a slut and that I'm telling Phil."
James: please hurry! Theres a note by the phone.
(Bella runs to her house and reads the note)
Bella: "Ok so it says "who is the son of my grandfather and is not my uncle?" a riddle? Damn! I suck at riddles! oh my god! I'm
good at something! I suck at everything! I can't wait til i tell Edward!
(Bella looks at the bottom of the page)
Bella: Oh! I'm supposed to go to the ballet studio!
(Bella runs to the studio)
Renee: "Bella, Bella? Bella where are you?"
Bella: "Mom! I'm telling Phinl that you're a hoe!"
Renee: "Bella, Bella? Bella where are you?"
Bella: "I'm right here you idiot!"
James: "Forks High School doesn't protect their student's privacy very well you know?"
Bella: "Those mother..."
James: "Hey! No time to get mad right now."
Bella: "Where's that bitch? She's gonna get a beating..."
James: "Ummm yea about that you see phil found out she was here and he took her. i'm so grateful! I was getting ready to kill that
Bella" "Well thats one less thing to worry about, by the way I didn't understand your little riddle."
James: "Yea neither did I, that's why I was gonna ask you but I guess you're not as smart as I thought."
James: "You're here! And you know I'm gonna kill you!"
Bella: "Oh! Well, I never thought of it like that."
James: "Well I borrowed a camera from your house I hope you don't mind."
Bella: "No, it's ok."
James: "OH MY GOD!!! What ever I borrowed it to record your will, now ready? lights camera, action! Now tell Edward to avenge
you tell him!"
Bella: "Hold up! I stilll haven't mad my will!"
(Bella looks into the camera)
Bella: "Edward umm... if you decide to kill yourself, before you do get me some bojangles*, I want a chicken sandwich with dirty
rice and iced tea to enjoy in hell..."
James: "For the of..! Would you hurry up?"
Bella: "Oh! You want something too?"
James: "oh yea! I wold like some dirty rice... I DRINK BLOOD YOU STUPID!!!"
Bella: "Well, get James blood tea."
(James breaks bella's leg)
Bella: "Ow! oh shit you broke my leg! oh no my mom's gonna get pissed! That's the sixth time I break my leg in three months!"
James: "OH MY GOD! you're even more retarded than victoria said!"
(The cullen family arrives)
Emmett: "So what are we waiting for? lets kill him!"
(Emmett and Jasper were walking towards James while bella screams)
Alice: "Wait! James before you die you have to know the answer of the riddle."
James: "what is it?"
Alice: "It's your father you idiot! He's your grandfather's son and he's not your uncle!"
James: "Nooo! thats why he died! he thought I loved him that much that I would think it was him, and I didn't!"
(Bella started screaming even louder.)
Edward: "Oh shit I forgot about her"
(He runs to bella)
Edward: "Bella love did you get bitten?"
(Bella stops screaming and sits up)
Bella: "No you idiot I got kissed and that's why I'm screaming in pain!"
(She lays back down and starts screaming.....again!)
Carlisle: "Edward you need to take out the venom"
Edward: "Wait did she get bitten or not?"
Carlisle: "Yes you retard, yes!"
Edward: "Well you could have said yes!"
Carlisle: "Take out the damn venom!"
Edward: "but that would be like kissing James!!! eeeeewwwwww!!!"
Carlisle: "Are you gonna save her yes or no?"
Edward: "Ok Ok fine!"
(Edward sucks the venom out)
(Yells at James burning)
Edward: "Your venom tastes like shit! you should brush your teeth! oh wait he's dead he can't brush them anymore."
(Bella sits up with her arm still in Edward's mouth)
Bella: "Edward do you want to kill me? STOP YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"
Emmet: "James is dead now."
James: "No I'm not!"
James: "Or atleast not completely!"
(In the back of the studio Alice and Jasper were playing soccer with James' head)
James: "Dammit! Quit kicking my face! it hurts!"
Emmett: "Alice throw that in the fire"
James: "No no no no nooooooooooooo......"
Jasper: "Well that's the end of him!"
Carlisle: "Let's go home! Esmee said she would give me a well deserved treat when I get back!"
(Everyone laughs and Bella starts screaming again)
Bella: (stops screaming) "What? oh you already got the venom out...whoops!"
Edward: "lets go home you retard.
Bella: "by the way I found out something today!"
Edward: "and what is that?"
Bella: "I suck at everything!"
Edward: "Awesome! I cant wait til our honey moon!"
Bella: "Honey moon?" ( starts gasping for air and screams) "NOOOOOOOOO.....!!!!"
*BOJANGLES = bojangles is a southern restaurant known for their great tasting chicken.
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