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The War of the Terns

Script By: Mathew Nicolson
Humor


A film that never got made. That might have been for the best.


Submitted:Aug 19, 2012    Reads: 16    Comments: 0    Likes: 1   


OPENING SEQUENCE. Shots of the sky, and beaches. NARRATOR (V.O) "No one would have believed, in the last years of the twentieth century, that this world was being watched, closely and keenly, by intelligences greater than man's." SHOT OF METEOR HITTING BEACH. CUT TO: EXT. BEACH. There's a tiny capsule in a small crater. A small crowd gathers around it. MAN 1 What is it? MAN 2 Looks like a meteorite. MAN 3 Is it safe to touch, I wonder. He touches it. MAN 3 Stone cold! Clunk. Clunk. The men step back. MAN 1 There's... something inside! VWOOSH! A series of terns are let out. Screaming. Squawking. The men scream and run. Terns attack! Thee men lay dead on the ground. CUT TO:
INT. NEWSROOM NEWSREADER It is confirmed, the visitors are hostile. Casualties are stacking up, with over 100 confirmed deaths- INTERCUT WITH SCENES OF PEOPLE DYING. NEWSREADER The British army has begun operations- CUT TO: EXT. BEACH. Men are fighting. Terns squawk. One gets shot down. The mean are clearly losing. CUT TO: INT. NEWSROOM. NEWSREADER The Prime Minister has given a defiant speech. CHURCHILL (V.O) (intercut with clips of people dying) We shall go on to the end. We shall fight them on the beaches. We shall never surrender! We shall fight in the fields and in the streets- CUT TO: EXT. LONDON. Terns fly over London. An air-raid siren blares, and searchlights look up. Bombs drop to the ground, Explosions everywhere.
CUT TO: INT. "THE RESIDENCY OF ERIC BLAIR." The camera shakes. Zooms in on ERIC BLAIR, who regularly experiences a fit of coughing. On the wall is a picture of an elephant. He is writing. ERIC BLAIR As I write, highly civilised beings are flying overhead, trying to kill me. A fit of coughing. Camera shakes again. ERIC BLAIR Almost certainly we are moving into an age of totalitarian dictatorship. CUT TO: INT. HOUSE. Everyone is enslaved, wearing rags. On the wall, a poster reads: "Bonnie Tern Loves You." CUT TO: INT. NEWSROOM. NEWSREADER The United Kingdom has unconditionally surrendered. NATO has withdrawn. The UN Security Council is meeting to discuss a potential Partition of the Earth. God help the human race. CUT TO: INT. "TRIDENT NUCLEAR SUBMARINE" Two men sit solemnly. Man 1 switches off a radio. On a table between them is an unopened letter.
MAN 1 Are you going to open it, or shall I? MAN 2 Read it to me. Man 1 leans over and opens it. MAN 1 "If you are reading this, then I and my colleagues are most likely dead. The British people will either have been wiped out or enslaved by a superior enemy. If the suffering of the people is so great, then I command you, as Prime Minister, to END IT. Silence. MAN 2 Well then. MAN 1 Let's do it. They hammer keys. CUT TO: EXT. SURFACE. Missiles fly out. CUT TO: EXT. AERIAL SHOT OF EARTH. Britain is wiped off the map. CUT TO: INT. WASTELAND. Dead terns pile up everywhere. CUT TO:
END CREDITS.





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