Welcome Visitor: Login to the siteJoin the site

Seven men, Two women, and a Tarantula

Script By: Maverick
Humor



Mr. Strongfold is the Founder/CEO of a successful company, but it wasn't easy getting to that point. With a constipated secretary, a trouble-making intern, a charismatic manager, a reclusive cubical worker, the eccentric from the design team, a large lunch lady, an overbearing misogynist, and an extremely religious woman, Mr. Strongfold has his hands full. Dealing with them separately is difficult, but when the rag-tag office workers charge his office at the same time with complaints, Mr. Strongfold has his work cut out for him.


Submitted:Dec 5, 2008    Reads: 296    Comments: 0    Likes: 2   


INT. OFFICE - DAY

Mr. Strongfold sits behind his desk. He is older, graying
and overweight. The door to his office slams open, and a
thin, tall and impeccably groomed man stalks into the
office, he is Wattson, carrying a smaller, less nicely
dressed man under his arm, Shale. He throws the smaller man
into the desk.

WATTSON
Mr. Strongfold, I brought the man
you wanted to see.

MR. STRONGFOLD
Thank you, Wattson. Mr. Shale,
you're a moron, and I don't like
you.

Shale is rubbing the area of impact and whining when he
touches a tender spot.

SHALE
You need to lighten up, it was only
a joke. Making Watts come and get
me was really unnecessary, what I
did wasn't bad enough for you to
sic your Rottweiler on me!

WATTSON
The road to hell is paved with good
intentions, Mr. Shale.

A knock on the office door.

MR. STRONGFOLD
Who the hell could it be this time?

An attractive man enters leisurely with his hands stuffed in
his pockets. He's charismatic and smiles from ear to
ear. He is Gavin.

GAVIN
Watts wasn't at his desk, so I
figured I was too late. Looks like
I made it in time, though. Cayce
told me you took my little buddy
Shale to see Mr. Strongfold, Watts.

WATTSON
Yes, and it is no business of
yours, or of your little
girlfriend's.

SHALE
Gavin doesn't have a
girlfriend. He has a harem.

Gavin wraps an arm around Shale's shoulders playfully.

GAVIN
(To Mr. Strongfold)
Damien, if you let people know you
sweat over the little stuff like
this, you're sending the
competition the wrong signal.

WATTSON
He broke the company contract.

GAVIN
Everything is always so black and
white to you, Watts. You and I are
going to have some serious R n' R
sometime soon.

WATTSON
As if I would go anywhere or do
anything with you.

GAVIN
It's okay if you're too shy to
admit you want to be one of the
guys, Watts.

MR. STRONGFOLD
You're all digressing!

The phone on Mr. Strongfold's desk rings. Mr. Strongfold
picks up the receiver.

MR. STRONGFOLD (cont'd)
What? Fine, bring it to my office.

SHALE
Your blood pressure must be through
the roof.

WATTSON
Should I give him directions to the
unemployment office now or later?

GAVIN
Whatever he did couldn't possibly
that bad, Damien.

WATTSON
Enough. Don't be so informal with
Mr. Strongfold. You came to defend
Mr. Shale without knowing what he
did?

GAVIN
Yeah, I'll always stand up for my
friends.

SHALE
All I did was change Mr.
Strongfold's schedule around. It's
Watts fault for letting me hang
around his desk.

GAVIN
More proof he wants to be in on the
Super Bowl party at Dame's place.

WATTSON
Don't refer to Mr. Strongfold so
informally!

GAVIN
What did you make him go do?

SHALE
Well, first I contacted everyone
and got it straightened out that
things were going to be put off a
bit. I said it was a family
emergency, so all the contractors
and reps had no hard feelings for
the meetings being rescheduled.

GAVIN
What did you make him do?

SHALE
He chaperoned his son's field trip
to the zoo, had a nice dinner with
his wife at an upscale Italian
restaurant and after that he went
for a ride in a helicopter with his
wife over the bay during the
fireworks last Thursday. Perfect
show of fatherhood and a night of
romance, if I do say so myself!

GAVIN
I don't understand what you're so
angry about, Damien.
MR. STRONGFOLD
That was Daniels on the
phone. Because I wasn't here for
the rep from Irmsham to look over
the product, he's decided to bring
it to me personally.

GAVIN
Daniels isn't so bad. I think he's
an interesting guy.

The office door swings open. A man in tropical-themed three
piece suit sashays to the desk with a thick folder of paper.

GAVIN (cont'd)
Hey, Daniels, I like your
monocle! It's a big upgrade from
the eye patch.

DANIELS
If it hadn't interfered with my
work I would have kept it for a few
more days. This is overview of the
new project.

Daniels drops the hefty folder on Mr. Strongfold's desk.

SHALE
This is it?

DANIELS
I admit that I could have been more
thorough with my report. And maybe
I should have doubled up on the
testing to be sure of the results,
but everything is done on time, as
specifically requested.

WATTSON
This is the final design, correct?

DANIELS
N-No! It isn't! Don't look at it
yet! I-I'll go fix it. Sorry for
wasting your time!

Daniels picks up the file folder and speeds out the office
door, coat tails trailing behind.

SHALE
Look what you did, Watts! You hurt
Daniels's feelings.
GAVIN
If you didn't always have that sour
look on your face people wouldn't
always think you were angry or
didn't like what you saw. You
probably pushed the project back
another three months with a comment
like that.

WATTSON
Th-There was nothing wrong with the
design!

MR. STRONGFOLD
Then why did you open your
mouth? We all know that Daniels is
as much of a genius as he is crazy.

GAVIN
Eccentric, Dame, he's eccentric.

MR. STRONGFOLD
Fine, he's eccentric. Gavin has a
point. You always look like you're
constipated. It isn't a good face
for dealing with the design team.

WATTSON
I do not look consti-

SHALE
Your face gets all scrunched and
your lip curls a little. It looks
something like this.

Shale makes a ridiculous face.

WATTSON
I don't need a comment from you, of
all people! You're the one who
instigated this whole situation.

A man with bright blond hair enters the office. He doesn't
make eye contact with anyone. He places a file on Mr.
Strongfold's desk, and a single piece of paper on top of it,
explaining the file. He turns and starts to leave. Gavin
grabs his arm, halting his escape.

THOR
C-Can I help you?

GAVIN
Who are you, and why haven't I met
you before?

THOR
Thor Vick, Billing and
Accounting. Please let go.

GAVIN
You're a new guy? Billing and
Accounting works closely with
Sales, and Sales is my section, if
you need help getting adjusted just
come see me!

THOR
Will do, thank you. I'll come see
you later if you let me go now.

SHALE
Thor, you've been with the company
longer than Gavin, what are you
talking about?

THOR
Please let go.

GAVIN
Look at me. Look at me!

WATTSON
Are we just going to let him
terrify Mr. Vick?

MR. STRONGFOLD
Gavin will understand soon enough.

SHALE
You don't get it, Mr.
Strongfold. Gavin loves a
challenge.

MR. STRONGFOLD
Thor's working on some pretty
important projects now. If Gavin
makes him retreat even further into
his shell...

Gavin forces Thor to look at him.

GAVIN
See, eye contact isn't so scary. THOR
Horrifying. Please let go.

GAVIN
Hey, you're a good looking guy!

SHALE
Shit. Here we go.

GAVIN
It's settled! You're coming
drinking with me and the
guys. With a good looking guy like
you around, we'll definitely
attract more ladies.

THOR
Not interested. Please let me go.

Office door slams open. A man and a woman enter.

BRENNAN
Mr. Strongfold, I demand you fix
this immediately!

SHALE
What's the problem this time?

BRENNAN
Mr. Strongfold personally assigned
both of us for this project, but
Maya refuses to let me help her!

WATTSON
Maybe she doesn't need help.

MAYA
Thank you, Watts, it's good to know
there is at least one sensible man
on God's great earth.

Wattson laughs nervously, and shuffles his feet.

MR. STRONGFOLD
What's the problem?

MAYA
Well-

BRENNAN
It's fine, Maya, let me do the
talking. I simply wanted to look
over her work.
THOR
Please let me go.

MR. STRONGFOLD
You face the same problem every
day, Brennan, so focus on your half
of the project and let Maya work on
hers, alone. When you're both done
- and I mean done - compare notes.

Daniels stomps into the office with a large bowl of exotic
fruit.

DANIELS
I think there's a tarantula in this
basket.

GAVIN
I'll introduce you to some nice
women, Thor.

WATTSON
Call the exterminator.

BRENNAN
I just want to see what you're
working on. The way you're hiding
it from me is very suspicious!

DANIELS
But I want to keep it as a pet!

A large woman in a gray smock enters carrying two large
grocery bags. Her voice is high and shrill, and it rises
and falls much like a siren.

MARYANN
DAMIEN! YOU DID NOT TAKE YOUR LUNCH
BREAK!

MR. STRONGFOLD
Maryann, this is not the time.

THOR
Please don't look at me like
that. Let me go, please.

MARYANN
HOW DOES SUCH AN IMPORTANT MAN
THINK HE CAN IGNORE HIS HEALTH?


WATTSON
Maybe you should come back at
another time, Maryann.

GAVIN
I bet with enough alcohol in you,
you'll be a pretty fun guy.

MARYANN
YOU CAN'T MAKE UP FOR POOR
NUTRITION.

THOR
I'm sure we don't frequent the same
bars. Please let go!

BRENNAN
Maya, you're being entirely
unreasonable.

GAVIN
Well, then I'll introduce you to a
great topless bar.

MAYA
Lord above, please forgive my
murderous urges! I'm sure you
understand.

DANIELS
What do tarantulas eat?

SHALE
What I did wasn't that bad. I bet
your wife was really happy and your
son called to thank me.

THOR
Let me go.

BRENNAN
It isn't a woman's place to keep
secrets.

GAVIN
I'll show you the glory land that
is the topless bar.

MAYA
I'm sure God will forgive me if my
foot finds its place up your ass!
THOR
Not interested in relationships,
women or alcohol. Please let go.

DANIELS
Uh, does anyone have anti-venom on
hand?

MARYANN
EAT, DAMIEN, YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR
STRENGTH UP.

GAVIN
You have to come along. You look
like you haven't had fun since the
day you were born. Women can liven
up any man's life!

WATTSON
You broke the company contract.

Chaos ensues. Each talk over one another.

THOR DANIELS
I don't like women. Please Is my hand supposed to be
let me go. this red and puffy?


MAYA SHALE
God doesn't like men So, can I have a raise?
who feel superior for no
reason.


WATTSON MARYANN
Do I really look EAT, DAMIEN, EAT!
constipated?


BRENNAN MR. STRONGFOLD
A man should always check I knew I should have become
on a woman's work. a doctor like mother said.


GAVIN
Are you kidding? EVERYONE
likes women, even women
like women!
ALL
(Continues fighting,
bickering, convincing and
ordering as required for each
situation.)

Fighting fades with the lights.




2

| Email this story Email this Script | Add to reading list



Reviews

About | News | Contact | Your Account | TheNextBigWriter | Self Publishing | Advertise

© 2013 TheNextBigWriter, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Policy.