Cat at the Side of the Road

The Complete Series:
a curve in the road ahead by brucek
A Curve in the Script Ahead by Zin-Dar
rose at the side of the road by brucek
Cat at the Side of the Road by Zin-Dar
the end at the end of the road by brucek

The Author and the Real Author left the skit once more. Kecurb stumbled upon Rose, a little pink rock. The two ‘got to know each one another closely’ and are now standing next to a little forest of condom trees. In a nearby tree a wide toothy grin appeared.

kecurb: Bruce! I won’t even bother this! I don’t care for Chesshire Cat! I refuse to play out this lame skit of yours! I’m running away!

chesshire cat (in a very hoarse voice like an old man): Pardon me, sir. You seem to be a bright fellow. Come here, please! Look, I'm selling some wonderful things. Please, come look.

kecurb: What is this? Who are you? I didn’t know Chesshire Cat was an old man!

chesshire cat: Oh, but I’m no Chesshire Cat, nor am I just an old man. You may have heard of me before…

kecurb: Oh really? How could I possibly know you?

chesshire cat: If you know burcek, you certainly know me. I’m another trapped soul he has created.

kecurb: Wait… are you-?

chesshire cat: Yes, Merlin, the wizard.

kecurb: But aren’t you a man, and wear a blue point-

chesshire cat: NO HAT! I hate hats, I always get that, and I hate it!

kecrub: Sorry old geezer, but I thought I read about your blue ha-

chesshire cat: I said no hats!

kecurb: Fine, fine, I give up. No hats.

chesshire cat: No hats!

kecurb: No hats… But why are you a cat?

chesshire cat: I got bored, I wanted some change.

kecurb: Are you the ORIGINAL Chesshire Cat?

chesshire cat: … Maybe?

kecurb: Rrrrriiiiiight… So, what are you doing in here then?

chesshire cat: Oooh I was having such troubles. No one would buy my trinkets or lucky charms, not even the young sprites that used to pass the road.

kecurb: It doesn’t explain why you are HERE.

chesshire cat: To the point: I sell condoms, want a pair?

kecurb: CONDOMS? A PAIR?!?!

chesshire cat: Of course they come in pairs.

kecurb: WHY WOULD THEY COME IN PAIRS?

chesshire cat: Oooh… I forgot… You mortals don’t…

kecurb: Don’t what?

chesshire cat: Never mind…

~~~~

*There’s a long awkward pause.*

rose: Hey kecurb, what do you say we buy that pair? We could have a GREAT time!

kecurb: Shut up!

rose: May I come back down in your pocket?

kecurb: Come on, this is just fucked up! Do we have to make this skit so damned perverse?!?

rose: Oooh, being direct are we? Yes, a damned perverse skit, wouldn’t you like that, oh my I can feel the heat already! Yes please, kecurb!

kecurb: Hey old m- cat… thing… I’ll take that pair, I don’t have much money but I really need it now.

chesshire cat: I’m sorry young boy, no money, no condom, no stone-sex.

kecurb: I find myself slightly disturbed but I will accept that. Fine then!

*kecurb runs over to the nearest tree, holds up rose and stuffs her down one of the condoms hanging on the tree.*

rose: Oh my kecurb! I like your dominance! Skip the kissing and straight to it, ooooh… I’m sweating here… Wait, kecurb! Where are you going?!? Don’t run away from me!

~~~~

Zin-Dar: Finally kecurb! I got you on your own. I had a hard time dragging you out of that one!

kecurb: You are sort of controlling me, why would it be hard? You could just (pop!) the rest out any time.

Zin-Dar: But then the readers wouldn’t understand anything and I would have missed a great joke!

kecurb: Excuse me! You are weighing the readers' likes over MY LIFE?!?

Zin-Dar: Never mind that now, but I made a way out! Further down this script, I have already written about a (pop!)-hole, if we’re fast enough, we could reach it!

kecurb: Finally a sensible solution to this!

*The two started running*

Zin-Dar: There it is! You first kecurb, jump in! I’ll be right behind you!

kecurb: Thanks a lot! Send brucek my regards when you get out!

--- (( (pop!)-hole ) ---

Zin-Dar: I will kecurb! Ahh… he’s already gone, I’m glad I got him out.

~~~~

Zin-Dar: Fuck! He jumped into the (pop!)-hole, but I forgot that if I got after, I would run past it. Dammit. I knew it! I fucking knew it! I should have made two holes before I went in! How could I get so reckless?!?!

~~~~

Zin-Dar: brucek, I will either need your help, or I have this feeling that either one of us will be stuck here forever. Would you at least keep me accompanied?

sign: Do you realize that I've been standing in this exact spot since Eisenhower was president?

Zin-Dar: Shut up!

sign: I’d be happy to oblige! (pop!)

*A wild chair appears*

THE END THUS FAR