The Epic Story

Justin Timberlake was in the middle of a concert when… A helicopter was seen falling on fire! Justin didn’t notice until it lands in the front row and….. Chuckie Doll trips out with a sharp knife in his grasp! Then he set his sights on Justin and began chasing him!

As they are running down 29th Street , he bumps into some “Gangster” Umpa Loompas. While Chuckie is attempting to cause Justin’s death, the Umpa Loompas were angry because Chuckie made the “Mother Umpa” pass on so they were trying to cause Chuckie’s death.

Chuckie made their mom disintegrate by exploding her insides with a heat gun. It was a disastrous time considering it was an Umpa Loompa Birthday! He accomplished it by hopping out of the Happy Happy Birthday cake. You couldn’t imagine how big it was considering all Umpa Loompas attended. She just happened to be at the end of the table the cake was on… But when he hoped out, he was actually in a little toy car and did it in a drive-by.

Anyway, ever since that happened, the Umpa Loompas sing a new song:

“Chuckie Chuckie

What did you do?

You killed our mother

Now we’ll kill you!”

Anyway, again, the Umpa Loompa spotted Chuckie running their way, so they hid in an upcoming alley that he would soon run by. Soon as Chuckie made it to the alley, they pulled him aside into it. Justin was able to hear the vicious punching and kicking him altogether. You could hear little screams that echoed throughout the block and Justin thought he was safe when it stopped. He was so relieved!

So, as Justin is walking around to find an elegant and fancy place to stay, he begins to walk across a bridge. Soon as he made it half way across, a Kung-Fu-Kitty on a bicycle bumps into him and knocks him off! That caused his death as he drowned. The kitty had a certain smirk on her face and she just rode on perfectly unharmed. That was something people may never know about it because everything around the bridge was pretty much deserted!

Meanwhile, on an island up the river, you can see the coast with a strange figure on it! You walk a little ways up and you spot THE Burger King! You are about to get closer to meet him but suddenly… A crazy blonde lady drives of the cliff above the island in a van!!! She squished The Burger King and soon as the car stopped rocking and moving, Hannah Montana broke through the windshield and hops out yelling: “WHAT NOW BURGER KING MAN!?! YOU HUNGRY NOW?!? ARE YA?!? ARE YA?!? WHO HAS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS NOW?!? NOT YOU!”

Soon as Hannah finished those last words, the van went on fire and exploded! Hannah ain’t got no more nerve and now she ain’t got the best of both world either!

As you stand there, shocked, and doubting that just happened, you hear “He He He” in the distance. The voice sounds familiar, like from a song. You try to ignore it anyway, but it just keeps getting repeated.

You just forget about it and continue through the mountainous path you’ve arrived in. The noise still seems like it’s following behind you! You start to get worries and you suddenly see Michael Jackson doing the “Moon Walk” on a mountain! You hear him say “He He He.” Suddenly, he stopped and stared at a shadowed figure on the mountain across. You lean in to try and get a better view of him and you see that it’s Ronald McDonald! At first, you thought that it was a pathetic excuse for an ugly clown, but you began to recognize him…

Anyway, Michael made a funny face at Ronald and he began to cry. Then, Ronald started rolling around sucking his thumb when Michael started doing the “Moon Walk” while singing “I Want Candy.” You could tell how they were total opposites… Well, not really.

Ronald then had a plan. So he stood up and threw his pet “Pocket Nugget” at Michael. It quickly but violently ate his face off. Ronald chuckled at the violent scene and then all the laughter he held in bursted out! He was laughing so hard, he lost his balance and fell off the other side off the mountain! By that time, all you could see of Michael was a pile of bones! The nugget was chewing on one…

All day, you were in shock, disbelief, depression, confused, and a whole bunch of other confused emotions. So you are continuing down the alley of the mountains and you see your house!

You don’t really care how it’s oddly located and you just walk in, take of your socks and shoes, sit on the couch, and turn on the newz.

Newz 11

~!The Newz you can trust!~

Candy – “So bob, what do we have happening today?!”

Bob – “Well Candy, there was a plethora of celebrity disappearances today!”

Candy – “Who were they?”

Bob – “ Well, let’s see, Uhmm,

1. Chuckie Doll
2. Justin Timberlake
3. The Burger King
4. Hannah Montana
5. Michael Jackson

And

1. Ronald McDonald

Candy – Awe, that’s so sad! Let’s take a moment of silence in remembrance of some of these people and hope to see some of them again…’

(Silence) (Silence) (Silence) (Silence) (Silence) (Silence) (Silence) (Silence)

Thank you. So, what else is new today Bob?”

Bob – “Well, all Burger Kings and McDonald Throughout the world will be closed down due to there missing mascots. So all of those restaurants will become “Tofu Shacks” with their little mascot, “Tofu Tommy”.

Candy – “Oh my! That is excellent! Tofu is so yummy yummylisious!”

Bob just stares at Candy, thinking “Dang! She is mad creepy in dis hizouse!”

But he’d never have the nerve to talk like that…

Anyway,

Bob – “Before we end this segment of the show, the word of the day is foundation.”

Bob + Candy – That’s All Folks!

You turn off the television and go to bed. You wake up 7 hours later with all the disappeared and dead celebrities around you! You’re in the past life! You look down from the cloud your on and see Barney doing a victory dance on a body under your bed covers

Time For Revenge!

To Be Continued…

Austin Czajkowski