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The Greenhalge Family and Friends

Short story By: Amanda Lisa
Humor



This is about my crazy family, the Greenhalge family. It's 100% completely true. I hope you enjoy. =D


Submitted:Feb 8, 2008    Reads: 119    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


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The Greenhalge Family and Friends

My family is utterly wacky. Along with their as equal friends that hang around our house on occasion. They are loud, competitive, and a bit dysfunctional. Each one of us have his or her own quirks and flaws, along with talents. In this little piece, I'm going to go over each of my family members, and along with a few family friends. I sincerely hope you find this amusing.

I suppose the best place to begin would be with my parents! Joan Rudolph and Bruce Greenhalge. Quite the names, eh? Well, my mother, to describe her in three words would be loud, worried, and crazy. She swears quite a lot, and she cannot help what comes out of her mouth most of the time. I hear her talking to herself quite often, swearing like a sailor…probably even worse, come to think of it. She always worries about everyone, which can get kind of irritating…Her two catch phrases are "Chew good," when referring to people eating food, and "Call me when you get home/get there," when people leave our house or are out. But I suppose that these superb worrying skills come in handy in her profession. She's a nurse and I can just picture her saying "Chew good," to her elderly patients. But those old people love her…

Then my dad…eeks…well, he's a bit arrogant, stubborn, and narrow-minded. He's very much set in his own ways…everyone is wrong and he's always right. He's also a big-time hypocrite, telling someone not to do something, and then doing it himself a couple of hours or days later. He is so lazy and has a pretty difficult time doing things for himself. He blares his music to no avail, with the same old excuse of "I'm not bothering anybody!" Except for us!

I'm completely baffled by how my parents even got together in the first place, when they are pretty much complete opposites. Well, I'm not going to try and uncover this intriguing mystery…but anyhow, they got together and had children and that's that!

The first child my mother got pregnant with was my older brother, Shawn, born October 15th 1981. Like a lot of my family, my brother works at one of New England's biggest chain of grocery stores, Hannaford! He's the manager of the Seafood department in Goffstown, which results with him, smelling like icky fish. Eww. Shawn is goofy, rude, and a bit smelly. He hits people, although playfully, quite often. This is very annoying when he slaps you in the forehead saying "You coulda had a V8!" when you are walking by innocently. He's not too embarrassed by letting one rip in public either. He's also known as the "grub" of our family, since he's known for picking his nose and eating it, not taking showers for days at a time, and picking his butt in public. Ah, despite Shawn's faults, he is a family man though and through. He even has a son, Aiden.

Next down the line is Nevin, born May 17 1986, and it's basically common knowledge in the Greenhalge house, and friends of the Greenhalges, that we get along the best, him and I, and that he's always been my favorite brother. Nevin is the epitome of a stoner, really. He loves to eat good food, and just chill at the end of a day, by watching some Discovery channel special. He loves to learn about science and how human beings got here. He's quite inquisitive and nosy. Three words to best describe him would be quiet, thoughtful, and funny. He's always been the kid in school that's very quiet and shy. He loves thinking about the universe and everything around us. I've heard him crack oh so many jokes, and I praise him for his humor! Nevin was also the first in my family to go to college, and I salute him for that! He goes to Manchester Community College, but in the fall, he's transferring to Southern New Hampshire University, to get a bachelors degree in business. Also, for being so well educated, he is also well dressed, for he has a pretty good fashion sense, for a guy, which means I get nice clothes for Christmas and my birthday, which is great! Anyway, Nevin is a pretty cool cat, and I amend that.

And next would be Sara, born May 13, 1989, and she is a smarty-pants, to say the least. She was always the one in the family to get the best grades, and have a determined drive to do her best, which is remarkable. She always puts herself out there, and always comes out strong. She's going to Rivier College, a small catholic college, studying to be a pediatric nurse. I'm extremely proud of her. Three words that would describe her would be giving, determined, and strong willed. I never met a person who was as charitable as Sara is. She dearly cares about the children in third world countries, and always gives to charities whenever she has some loose change. I have always admired that quality about her. When money is tight for our family, she'll always pitch in to help us out. I have a feeling that she will never give up on her hopes and dreams. She's paying for her college education all by herself, including financial aid, but she still has to pay them back. She's not giving up anytime soon though. And I commend her for that. But Sara also has a laidback side. At times, she can be extremely sarcastic, which is so funny. She says some pretty hilarious things sometimes. But she is also the one in our family who is prone to sickness. She is always getting sick with something. Which obviously, must be really tough. She's been on a lot of medicines, I believe. But she's a fighter and I admire that.

Next is…me! Yay! Well, my name is Amanda. And I was born January 6, 1993. I realize now that when I was a kid, I had a somewhat of…mental issues. Not issues, but I threw a lot of fits and tantrums, which stopped when I was about 10 years old. I remember one time, Shawn was taking Sara to a Manchester Monarch's Hockey game. I was so upset because he never took me anywhere. So, I flipped out on my sister, and I remember kicking her in the chest and neck, which I totally feel so bad about to this very day. I had a lot of those kind of tantrums back in the day, but I'm much better now. I'm more of a laid-back and mellow person now. I just go with the flow, you know? Some people…well, most people, call me a natural stoner. I'm high all the time, but not on weed. On life, if you will. I'm always laughing about dumb things, and I act like I'm on marijuana at times, which I don't mean to be. I just am. And I'm also known in my house as the comedian. I'm always cracking jokes and making people laugh. I love doing that. It gives me a thrill, to see people laughing and smiling because I made them. It's a great feeling. I love thinking about life in general, about where humans came from, and then the universe as well. It's a really interesting topic. I love it. I'm quite in depth at times, and I love talking to big bro Nev about science and evolution. I also realize now, that I can get pretty cocky at times, and I enjoy bragging about stuff, which is a pretty bad quality, but hey, everyone has them!

Overall, my family is pretty crazy. They absolutely 100% love their sports. The whole thing to trigger me writing this piece was the Super Bowl that just passed recently. New England vs. New York. Everyone was over our house and in our living room. I was sitting there, in a dark lonely corner by myself, with no one to speak to, alone…wait! I'm off topic! But yeah, I was observing my family, and I was just so baffled by their craziness. My dad nearly killed me, by stepping on me when N.E got a touchdown, but I ignored it. Until it happened again! Then I knew it was time to not sit on the floor anymore. One to notice my near death, was Nevin's stoner friend, Dave.

This kid is crazy. He's also is my brother's age, but he's pretty cool. I've heard him tell some pretty wacky stories. For example, he said that when he lived in Maine, he lived off Donut Sticks for 6 months, because Hannaford had a huge sale, and it was all he could afford at the time. He plays bass in?a band, and from what I heard, he's pretty?decent. ?He also told stories of walking 2 miles to the nearest store in the middle of winter time, on a highway…his exact words: "And I got blown into a ditch on the side of the highway, because the wind was too much for me…and I was on speed…" I heard the sarcasm right away, but I don't know if he really was on speed or not…

Another one of my brother's friends is Jason, Shawn's coworker. He's a sports journalist, and is in a wheelchair. He has a pretty foul mouth, I learned, when the Giants scored a few times…I thought he was going to fall out of his wheelchair a few times too, when something bad happened. I saw him rolling his eyes during half-time, sneaking glances at his watch. He really wanted the game to go back on. Screw Tom Petty! But when the Pats lost that night…I never seen someone roll out of the living so fast as he did. One second he was there, the next he had vanished. Poor fellow lost money on that game…

Despite my family's oddities, I still love them dearly. And that is why I enjoy spending quality time with them so very much. The Greenhalge Family and friends are by far, the most dysfunctional, and weirdest family I know. And I would not have it any other way.

--Fin





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