I'm Just a Mom: Things a Mom Might Say

I’m Just A Mom: A List of Things a Mom Might Say
(written from a moms point of view)

Every cloud has a silver lining, and every bowl of ice-cream has my name on it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and I am sooo awesome.
Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I’m not a happy person.
I am wonderful; I’m sweet, considerate, loving, brave, smart, gentle, and amazingly modest.
I don’t care if chocolate can make me fat, I would prefer to be happy and fat instead of skinny and miserable.
I don’t insult people, I never have and I never will. Yes, honey, that sweater makes you look fat. As I was saying, I am very nice.
I can sing very well: Doo, doooo, doodie, doo dah!! Beautiful, isn’t it?
I am very logical: I file my socks in alphabetical order and I keep my shoes in the fridge. And yet everyone seems to think I’m crazy.
I make lists about everything: once I listed the names of all my children. It took a while. I couldn’t remember how to spell “Freddie”.
I hate it when woman boast about how many children they have. Are they really so proud of their litters and their children’s resemblance to thimbles?
I have one giant baby boy and he weighed more at birth then my neighbor’s eight children do now.
I am not a suburban mom; my minivan broke down and I hate soccer.
Sure, I’m hip. I can balance two baskets of laundry on them while I go down the stairs.
I was a feminist until I realized that being told to stay at home and do the house work and feed my kid meant I didn’t have to get a job.
I became a feminist again when I realized that staying at home and taking care of my kid rivaled any job known to mankind.
I’ve been married twice. Once to a man named Jack, and again to the same man when I realized he wasn’t such a jack-ass now that he was single again.