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This was originally written for a contest on Storywrite.com. The challenge was to make a eulogy for the host of the contest and find creative ways for him to kick the bucket. he had several job ideas and I wove them together. I had a lot of fun posting this :)


Submitted:Jan 17, 2009    Reads: 565    Comments: 0    Likes: 1   


As the people came into the chapel, there were very few dry eyes. It was James' funeral and Anne had been asked to make a eulogy for him but now she she felt weak in the knees but she felt as if she couldn't let his friends and family down. She walked to the alter and stood there looking out at the faces watching her.1
"Thank you all for coming out today to celebrate the life of James or "Daft Wee Jimmy" as he has been called for most of his life." She said. Suddenly a woman in the front row burst into tears, crying hysterically.2
"He was so short!" She cried. Anne assumed that she was his mother as the woman in hysterics was rather short and looked like James in a wig.3
"Several times through out his life I had thought lost our Daft Wee James. He had a penchant for choosing the most dangerous jobs as many of the people here know. I remember this one time back when he was working as a deep sea fisherman that James, bless his heart, jumped from the schooner he had been working on to save the life of someone who had fallen off the boat. He almost drowned but he managed to swim back to the ship with the person. We all laughed when we saw that it was just a blow up doll. 4
"That was mine!" said a man in one of the pews. 5
"That was probably around the time that He went from being just Wee Jimmy to Daft Wee Jimmy." Anne continued. "I also remember a time when he was working as a fly fisherman. He came tearing back into town with a hook stuck into the back of his neck, barely missing a major artery. He was never any good around sharp objects like the time when he chopped off all the toes on his left foot when working as a lumber jack. But that didn't stop him from wearing those sandals that eh was so fond of wearing." Anne said, wiping a tear from her cheek. "He really loved his sandals."6
"Nothing ever seemed to fade him no matter how hard life treated Daft Wee Jimmy until he took that job at the zoo. WHY??? WHY??? Jimmy would you take that job?" She cried beating her fists on the coffin. She stood up and straightened herself up walking back to the altar. "Jimmy was on his first day at his new job at the Zoo when he was asked to help bathe one of the elephants. When he had walked around it spraying it with the hose, I assume that the warm water made the elephant, who had been severely constipated, let go. The impact sent Jimmy flying ans just as he started screaming for help, he was smothered under a four foot high pile of elephant dung."7
Anne coulnd't speak anymore, overcome with tears. Sobbing she was lead back to her seat.




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