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That's A Good Name for a Whore House

Short story By: Bookncook
Humor



A short story about the life of an ADD family.


Submitted:Jan 10, 2013    Reads: 83    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


That's a good name for a whorehouse

As one can imaging travelling with the whole family is always an adventure, whether it's a family vacation or a trip to the grocery, chances are it will not be uneventful. After all, we do put the FUN in dysfunction.

We put our RULES of TRAVEL in to play many years ago. They became a necessity after our first less than magical trip to Disney World. A Family of 4 with ADD in Disney. Can you imagine? Not only is it outrageously expensive because we " just have to have it" as in "Please Mom I will never ask for another thing if I can just have THIS. PLEEEAAASE! "(insert pouty faces and stomping of feet)…in every land we enter. ADD Mom eventually caves because she's just soooo tired. Dad, the FUN GUY, passes out the cash. Mortgage be damned! It's a miracle we are not homeless , still wandering around lost and starving looking at all the pretty colors and singing It's A Small World.

Rules of Travel (Please note these rules apply anytime more than one family member is traveling together and will be away from home for more than 1 hour.)

  1. Maintain blood sugar. This rule is #1 for a reason. There is nothing worse than trying to reason with a person with plummeting blood sugar and no filter. It's ugly. Multiply that by four and it's downright dangerous.
  2. When you gotta go you gotta go. No questions asked. It's okay that you just went. No comments are to be made about how you didn't need that second juice bag, diet coke, bottle of water, coffee,etc. A rule is a rule.
  3. You don't have to ride the ride if you don't want to. This also applies to any other activities being forced upon the individual by the guilt mongering peanut gallery. It's okay if you just want to sit on the bench and watch.

Our most recent trip was a family vacation to Chicago…during the hottest period in recorded history. It was a mere 106 degrees for most of our trip. Having said that what I will remember most about the trip was not the record breaking temperatures but a little road trip within the trip …to the Western part of Wisconsin to visit dear friends.

Imagine if you will, teenagers who have not spent more than a few minutes with their parents or each other in an enclosed space by choice since they were old enough to figure out how to get away . Add to that a small rental car, and don't forget our recentstop at the Wisconsin Cheese store, therefore cheese being eaten in the car…..did I mention record breaking heat? As if all of that was not a smelly barrel-o-fun we were on a long stretch of back road for what seemed like a very very long time. Several of us had to pee. The driver, who just LOVES driving, was in hyper -focus mode and not paying attention to our requests. There were very few buildings along the road, just cars and corn fields. As I was staring out the window and wondering just how much a bladder that has been compromised by the delivery of a ten -pound baby can hold, I spotted a rather out of place strip mall with signage that read SILK EXOTICS. Odd, I thought, to have a silk plant store out in the middle of BFE. I said, to nobody in particular "That's a good name for a whore house." Did I actually say that out loud? On our family vacation? I must have because I heard "Mother"! from one of the cheese eaters in the back seat. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a working filter. Mr. Hyper Focus just looked at me and rolled his eyes. I knew it! Selective Hearing.

That was all it took. " That's a good name for a whorehouse" became the theme of our family vacation. We said it out loud…in public. We said it when it made no sense. We said it while looking at famous works of art at the Museum of Contemporary Art, much to the dismay of several passers by and more than one museum docent. We couldn't say it enough. We all thought it was hilarious…the first 73 times we said it. Well, all of us but the Boy Child who thought we were idiots. Why should vacation be any different?

On our way home from our side trip to Wisconsin and back toward Chicago we drove down the same back roads we had traveled before and eventually came upon SILK EXOTICS. We slowed down, at my request, to take in the strip mall that had brought us so many happy memories.

Upon further inspection there it was in very small letters… the words GENTLEMAN'S CLUB. Yes. Really. We could barely contain our joy!…except for the boy child, who again thought we were idiots. IT REALLY WAS A WHOREHOUSE!! Well at least enough of one for us. Ahhhh…..family vacation.





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