Fire in the Form of Crystal Clear Bottle Fresh Water
This is the ultimate test according to my childhood friend, William Bakerski. That test would be: can you balance a quarter on the tip of your finger? While that may not seem exciting, it is in fact one of the most dangerous sports ever. There have been five and a half deaths directly attributed to quarter balancing in the past seven years. The half death occurred when a contestant on a Louie Anderson hosted game show tried the balancing act and it caused him to get cancer, so the quarter only got half of the credit for the cause of death.
Anyways back to William Bakerski's Ultimate Challenge. He bet Charles NoLastName that he could balance a quarter on the tip of his finger longer. The bet was simple: whoever balanced the quarter longer won the ultimate prize: The other man's wife, children, and job if he chose. The challenge took place at the usual location: the parking lot of the nearest middle school. Both fierce competitors started by singing the Italian national anthem as is customary for quarter balancing competitions. Then they began the competition! The entire match lasted eight hours, sixty-seven minutes, and five seconds before William dropped the quarter off of his finger, he was quite upset so it seemed. Charles was so happy that after finishing the customary victory dance made famous by Ricky Martin, he cracked open an ice-cold beer also a tradition. Just then William informed Charles he had just won fifteen hundred children and five-thousand and six nagging wives, so in fact William was the real winner.
After of few minutes quickly going through the official Quarter Balancing Rulebook Charles announced that he will forfeit the competition by using rule number 39 in the rulebook which stated: "Any winning competitor can forfeit the challenge by cooking the loser of the challenge a roast duck with all of the fixin's." So in fact Charles really did not lose anything more than a roast duck.
This story reminds me of a saying my crazy grandpa used to say, "If the French fries are too hot, than feed them to an infant they don't know any better." Boy was he crazy.