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the third part of "donuts in space"! yep, that's what i said.

Short story By: brucek
Humor



my goodness, didn't you read the title?


Submitted:Jul 2, 2012    Reads: 25    Comments: 4    Likes: 2   


While the insidious smell of a cheeseburger was burrowing its way into Sonny's subconscious, in a galaxy quite far away, an army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were readying themselves for battle. Fiercely they strapped on their armor. Fiercely they painted themselves in angry colors. Across the great, lush valley, another army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were making nearly identical preparations. A war was about to commence, one that would decide who had the right to live in the trees of the valley. Weapons were sharpened, and soon their croaks would reach a furious pitch. But then, suddenly, the sky was filled with an enormous floating object, and had any of the tree frogs ever been to a circus on the planet Earth, they would have recognized it as the face of a gigantic clown, complete with a silly orange hat, a plastic ball for a nose, and a bright red painted smile. But twelve foot tree frogs seldom had the opportunity to go to the circus, even when they've been very, very good, and eaten all of their vegetables, so they didn't know that there was a clown face the size of a small planet in their sky. All they knew was there was a huge object with strangely colored markings on it, and that they were very afraid.

This clown face was actually one of Sonny's imagination machines running amok, but the tree frogs didn't know that either. The machine had heard about the great battle that was about to take place, and wanted to see for itself if several million twelve foot warrior tree frogs were actually willing to risk their lives over a bunch of stupid trees. And sure enough, that's exactly what they were about to do. But just then, a terrible, but oh so satisfying thought popped into the machine's clowny brain. The clown's smile slowly began to get broader, the ends curled up into an evil grin, and its left eye blinked. Two things happened simultaneously at this point. The clown face vanished, and every tree in the valley turned into huge custard pies. The armies of tree frogs were in shock. They slowly advanced to the edge of the valley where the trees had been, looking dumbfounded. What had happened? Where were the trees? A general safely behind the lines sent a private out among the custard pies to investigate. He sent back a message that they had a pleasant smell. His second message informed the general they were comfortable to sit on. Taking the initiative, the general ordered a full scale assault in defense of the custard pies. But the advance across the valley was extremely difficult. Wading through gigantic custard pies is hard for anyone, even twelve foot warrior tree frogs. The general, however, was undaunted. He ordered a massive effort to clear a path across the valley so his army could attack. Day after exhausting day, teams of tree frogs dug and burrowed, loaded and hauled, until finally the tree frogs made their way to the other side of the valley. The other army of twelve foot warrior tree frogs were gone. They had decided after the first fifteen minutes that a custard pie was a silly thing to fight about, and went home to eat flies.

MEANWHILE............

Sonny's consciousness was very hungry, but when you're curled up in a ball in the attic of your brain, your motivation doesn't work quite right. Fortunately, while Sonny was catatonic, Ninetyeight had used her creative powers to reform the donut shop, so that it became the only donut in the neighborhood (figuratively speaking) that was fully automated and run by robots. It was the cook robot that was making Sonny's favorite lunch, a juicy cheeseburger with extra crispy fries. The wonderful smell slipped right up Sonny's nose. His nose did a back flip and sent an urgent message to his brain. Unfortunately, there was a sign hanging on his hypothalamus that read, "not doing all that great at the moment, try again later". The message was rejected, and after bouncing around aimlessly for several nanoseconds, ended up in his stomach. A deep, ominous rumbling began. An angry, insistent rumbling. And just like that, Sonny woke up.

"Jeez, I'm hungry!"

To which, Cheeks replied, "hurry up and eat, Romeo, Ninetyeight has a surprise for you."

"A surprise!? What in the hell are you talking about, butt head?"

"Ha! She wants to introduce you to your daughter!"

"My........my.........what!?"

AND THEN AGAIN, MEANWHILE.............

The Sonny still living on Earth decided to go bowling. He threw his lucky bowling ball into his mint green Yugo and drove the three blocks to the alley. He laced up his two toned bowling shoes that he bought brand new in the 1980's, and unzipped his bowling bag. Out popped a sixteen pound scaly green dragon. "TOOOOOOOT", puffed the dragon out of little flaring nostrils. A ribbon of flame flicked out and burned part of the collar off his bowling shirt.

"Jesus!! What in the hell!?"

And then, without giving him another glance, the dragon shot out of the bowling bag, spread its little dragon wings, and flew exactly one circuit around the alley, knocking down every pin, and melting thirteen and a half bowling balls.

"Jesus! Something really weird is going on!"

"I would have said the same thing if I only had a mouth," said his rear brain.

"Damn it! Where's my bowling ball?"

"I think it just flew out the front door."





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