Episode I:
The Stormy Green Menace

Tony was a slow little shit.  He couldn't play football, he couldn't play  baseball, and he really  really couldn't play track. He was a fucking little  loser bitch  who got picked on by all the bigger kids.

It all changed one  day after school. He was trying to ask out a girl, Tina,  who was  goddam sexy. She had long brown hair, big boobs and a nice ass.  She  actually laughed at him, and he went home fuming. As he walked  the 3 blocks to  his home, he noticed a sudden thunderstorm forming. Just fucking great he  thought to himself. 

He was halfway  home when it happened. He stopped to tie his shoe, then when  he  stood up he glanced up at the sky. He saw a white flash above him  and a  streak of lightening rushed down and met him in the face. 

He was blind. Everything was white. He couldn't FUCKING SEE!! 

But then the air started to clear. Sounds which had been muffled  were coming  in clearer now. Everything was returning to normal.  He lay there for several  more minutes, waiting for a nurse to  come in. He was sure they had heard him  screaming. He wondered  how long he had been out, how long he'd been in the  hospital.  When all his libido finally returned to him, he sat up and looked  around. 

Tony was still laying on the fucking sidewalk. No  one had found him, no one  had taken him to the hospital. Fucking  bastards

He pushed himself up off the pavement and looked  at himself. Surprisingly,  the lightening seemed to do little damage.  His clothes were charred and barely  hung together in a few spots,  but otherwise he was fine. He picked up his  bookbag, then threw  it back down. He didn't need it anymore. The plastic of the  bag  was melted and all the books were burned to a crisp. Fucking  great.

He walked about thirty feet when he heard a buzzing  sound. It was really  quiet, but at the same time he could hear  nothing else, like it was the loudest  sound in the world. He felt  wind on his back. He turned around and saw a  ginormous spinning  silver disc hovering a hundred feet above the ground. It  gradually  lowered itself to fifty feet, then eight small hatches opened around  the bottom. Tiny cylindrical objects emerged, one from each hole.  He immediately saw  they were thin little spider legs. They touched  the ground and the ship stopped  spinning, dropping several feet  but still held up by the legs. He couldn't  understand how those  tiny legs could hold up such a massive object. Actually, he  didn't  give a shit. IT WAS A FUCKING ALIEN SPACESHIP!!! 

A tiny door  opened and a platform emerged, lowering itself to the ground.  Tiny  shadows appeared at the door. When they came into view, Tony couldn't  help  but laugh. They were each about fourteen inches tall, with  four arms each. They  were literally pencil thin, and they almost  seemed to use the wind to propel  them. They had short legs and  extremely long thin arms, tipped with three  fingers. They were  all practical beige. Their heads were tiny. They looked like  eyeballs  with a tiny amout of tissue around them. 

"Y'all some ugly little..." 

He never finished his sentence because one of the aliens raised  a tiny little  metal object which emitted a red flash. 

Tony  awoke to find himself inside the ship. He was tied down, and naked  on a  metal table. There was a hole where his ass was. He screamed.  He shouted for  help. He tried to break free. Not a goddam thing  did anything to help. 

"I wish you'd shut up" 

He turned  his head and saw Tina was tied down next to him. And she was naked.  Despite the current situation, he couldn't help but stare. She  was naked. Holy  fucking shit! She looked so much better than he  could have ever imagined. And he  imagined it a lot when he was  in his bedroom. She ran her eyes down his body and  saw his erection.  She laughed. That whore.

His attention was taken by the aliens. They were gathered around them with  long metal objects. Apparently  they collected them. Each was tipped in a clear  sphere with what  looked like a camera. Oh shit. The table he was fasted  to  spun over and he found himself facing the floor. He heard moving  and  shuffling, and Tina said "Eww..that's gross." But then he  heard her scream,  followed by a wet squeelching sound. This was  followed by the metal  camera-tipped rod being shoved up his ass.  He screamed. 

An hour later he sat there dazed and confused,  unable to formulate proper  thought. He found himself forgetting  the ship landing. There was a ship,  wasnt there? He felt  the memories fade away, one by one. He faught to hold  on to one  memory. And as he was dropped back onto the ground from the ship,  he  sank into unconciousness with the thought of Tina's perfect  titties in his mind,  and the puzzlement at where he had seen them. 

Tony awoke and wondered what the fuck had happened. He had  been walking, then  suddenly he was lying on the pavement asleep.  He had dreamed something weird.  The only thing he could remember  was Tina's boobs. Oh GYAHD her boobs. And oh  GYAHD his ass hurt.  He got up for the second time and started walking. 

He walked  another block when he heard a loud sound, like metal screaming.  He  turned around and saw a toxic waste truck from the local plant  fishtailing  around he street corner behind him. It slid sideways  on the road, heading  straight for him. He was frozen, panicked.  It rolled onto its side and the metal  container ruptured and thousands  of gallons of glowing green liquid exploded  from within it, like  a man having an orgasm. Well, more like a woman who can  ejaculate,  since it was a big hole. Anyway. 

Tony stared as the stuff rushed  at him and he finally found his speed. He  ran, as fast as he had  ever run before. Faster. Ten feet later the waste caught  up with  him and knocked him off his feet. He slid on his back, then was  pushed  onto his front side, rolling down the street in the sludge.  He was finally able  to stand up, but he was now covered in it.  He winced as he felt it start burning  him. It was burning through  his skin, his clothes. It was just then he heard  something over  head. He looked up and saw a white light growing in the clouds. 

"Oh fuck. Not again" 

Twenty minutes later Tony woke up,  the now-familiar sensation of having been  struck by lightening  throughout his body. Again, he was miraculously unhurt. He  in  fact felt better than before. The sludge was no longer eating through  his  skin, in fact the burns had actually healed. He found it funny,  but his mind  kept wandering. His clothes were almost gone. He  was reduced to a few scraps and  his boxers. They had a few holes  in them, but they'd been protected by his  jeans. He got up and  brushed the dirt and leaves off his body and started towards  home.  It was dark, so he decided to run - and was home.