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Captain Fast

Short story By: cactus
Humor



This is, for once, a story of my own creation. The only mockery of Michael this time is the title. For some reason he named his chapters like Star Wars movies. Dunno why. Anyway, it's written in a similar style as my other short stories (ie: purposely written poorly), so expect a few "typos" and the like. Many of them, believe it or not, are on purpose.

The rating is based on mild sex-related humor and mild language.


Submitted:Jan 9, 2008    Reads: 3,297    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


Episode I:
The Stormy Green Menace

Tony was a slow little shit.� He couldn't play football, he couldn't play� baseball, and he really� really couldn't play track. He was a fucking little� loser bitch� who got picked on by all the bigger kids.

It all changed one� day after school. He was trying to ask out a girl, Tina,� who was� goddam sexy. She had long brown hair, big boobs and a nice ass.� She� actually laughed at him, and he went home fuming. As he walked� the 3 blocks to� his home, he noticed a sudden thunderstorm forming. Just fucking great he� thought to himself.�

He was halfway� home when it happened. He stopped to tie his shoe, then when� he� stood up he glanced up at the sky. He saw a white flash above him� and a� streak of lightening rushed down and met him in the face.�

He was blind. Everything was white. He couldn't FUCKING SEE!!�

But then the air started to clear. Sounds which had been muffled� were coming� in clearer now. Everything was returning to normal.� He lay there for several� more minutes, waiting for a nurse to� come in. He was sure they had heard him� screaming. He wondered� how long he had been out, how long he'd been in the� hospital.� When all his libido finally returned to him, he sat up and looked� around.�

Tony was still laying on the fucking sidewalk. No� one had found him, no one� had taken him to the hospital. Fucking� bastards

He pushed himself up off the pavement and looked� at himself. Surprisingly,� the lightening seemed to do little damage.� His clothes were charred and barely� hung together in a few spots,� but otherwise he was fine. He picked up his� bookbag, then threw� it back down. He didn't need it anymore. The plastic of the� bag� was melted and all the books were burned to a crisp. Fucking� great.

He walked about thirty feet when he heard a buzzing� sound. It was really� quiet, but at the same time he could hear� nothing else, like it was the loudest� sound in the world. He felt� wind on his back. He turned around and saw a� ginormous spinning� silver disc hovering a hundred feet above the ground. It� gradually� lowered itself to fifty feet, then eight small hatches opened around� the bottom. Tiny cylindrical objects emerged, one from each hole.� He immediately saw� they were thin little spider legs. They touched� the ground and the ship stopped� spinning, dropping several feet� but still held up by the legs. He couldn't� understand how those� tiny legs could hold up such a massive object. Actually, he� didn't� give a shit. IT WAS A FUCKING ALIEN SPACESHIP!!!�

A tiny door� opened and a platform emerged, lowering itself to the ground.� Tiny� shadows appeared at the door. When they came into view, Tony couldn't� help� but laugh. They were each about fourteen inches tall, with� four arms each. They� were literally pencil thin, and they almost� seemed to use the wind to propel� them. They had short legs and� extremely long thin arms, tipped with three� fingers. They were� all practical beige. Their heads were tiny. They looked like� eyeballs� with a tiny amout of tissue around them.�

"Y'all some ugly little..."�

He never finished his sentence because one of the aliens raised� a tiny little� metal object which emitted a red flash.�

Tony� awoke to find himself inside the ship. He was tied down, and naked� on a� metal table. There was a hole where his ass was. He screamed.� He shouted for� help. He tried to break free. Not a goddam thing� did anything to help.�

"I wish you'd shut up"�

He turned� his head and saw Tina was tied down next to him. And she was naked.� Despite the current situation, he couldn't help but stare. She� was naked. Holy� fucking shit! She looked so much better than he� could have ever imagined. And he� imagined it a lot when he was� in his bedroom. She ran her eyes down his body and� saw his erection.� She laughed. That whore.

His attention was taken by the aliens. They were gathered around them with� long metal objects. Apparently� they collected them. Each was tipped in a clear� sphere with what� looked like a camera. Oh shit. The table he was fasted� to� spun over and he found himself facing the floor. He heard moving� and� shuffling, and Tina said "Eww..that's gross." But then he� heard her scream,� followed by a wet squeelching sound. This was� followed by the metal� camera-tipped rod being shoved up his ass.� He screamed.�

An hour later he sat there dazed and confused,� unable to formulate proper� thought. He found himself forgetting� the ship landing. There was a ship,� wasnt there? He felt� the memories fade away, one by one. He faught to hold� on to one� memory. And as he was dropped back onto the ground from the ship,� he� sank into unconciousness with the thought of Tina's perfect� titties in his mind,� and the puzzlement at where he had seen them.�

Tony awoke and wondered what the fuck had happened. He had� been walking, then� suddenly he was lying on the pavement asleep.� He had dreamed something weird.� The only thing he could remember� was Tina's boobs. Oh GYAHD her boobs. And oh� GYAHD his ass hurt.� He got up for the second time and started walking.�

He walked� another block when he heard a loud sound, like metal screaming.� He� turned around and saw a toxic waste truck from the local plant� fishtailing� around he street corner behind him. It slid sideways� on the road, heading� straight for him. He was frozen, panicked.� It rolled onto its side and the metal� container ruptured and thousands� of gallons of glowing green liquid exploded� from within it, like� a man having an orgasm. Well, more like a woman who can� ejaculate,� since it was a big hole. Anyway.�

Tony stared as the stuff rushed� at him and he finally found his speed. He� ran, as fast as he had� ever run before. Faster. Ten feet later the waste caught� up with� him and knocked him off his feet. He slid on his back, then was� pushed� onto his front side, rolling down the street in the sludge.� He was finally able� to stand up, but he was now covered in it.� He winced as he felt it start burning� him. It was burning through� his skin, his clothes. It was just then he heard� something over� head. He looked up and saw a white light growing in the clouds.�

"Oh fuck. Not again"�

Twenty minutes later Tony woke up,� the now-familiar sensation of having been� struck by lightening� throughout his body. Again, he was miraculously unhurt. He� in� fact felt better than before. The sludge was no longer eating through� his� skin, in fact the burns had actually healed. He found it funny,� but his mind� kept wandering. His clothes were almost gone. He� was reduced to a few scraps and� his boxers. They had a few holes� in them, but they'd been protected by his� jeans. He got up and� brushed the dirt and leaves off his body and started towards� home.� It was dark, so he decided to run - and was home.





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