Once upon a time...

...there was a man, like a person with a penis. He was dark. Oh so  dark. I  mean, seriously, he was really fucking dark and creepy,  because he never paid  his light bill.

Anyways, he enjoyed  fighting crime by killing bad guys. So, he would take his  gun and  hold it like the shaft of a big black cock and point it at them  and yell  "POW POW" and they'd jump a little, then they'd pull out  their dicks, I mean  pistols ...no actually I mean dicks... and  he'd back down because he had a  little shrimp dick, like a small  penis. And by small penis I mean, y'know, little  dick.

So,  anyways, he'd go on and find other bad guys. Bad guys who weren't  quite  such ginormous assholes, or so perverted and gay as to pull  our their cocks and  wag at him. So, he found a warehouse full  of stolen dildos and mops. The bad guys  were huge fags. In fact,  that's half the reason they stole the dildos and mops,  because  we all know fags like it when mops and dildos are inside of them.

So, he snuck inside, like a guy raping his first 11 year old  virgin, and he  pulled out his dick. Then he realized that the  dick, men's other weapon,  wouldn't do shit against 30 machine  guns, so he tucked it in and pulled out two  uzis. He cussed a  lot, like a sailer who'd just gotten laid, as he realized he'd  left  his ammo in his locker at the middle school. So, our hero, Bob,  digs around  in his pockets until he finds a pocket knife. Well,  it's not even a pocket  knife, because he had fucking broken off  the tip like a pencil inside a curious  10-year old nymph-o, when  he'd tried to stab a watermelon.

So, after sitting there for  another 45 minutes, trying to decide if he should  leave like a  whore-monger, in a whore house, with no money, or if he should say  fuck it and go in, he said fuck it, basically because he'd just  gotten laid with  a 14 year old from the high school. GYAHD how  he loved older women.

Anyways, Bob continued sneaking farther  into the building, until he tripped  over his own fucking shoelaces.  Sadly, he fell directly into the midst of all 30  drug addicts,  all with at least 6 inches of dick, yknow plus guns and stuff. Anyways,  he got lucky. One of them was a pretty hot girl and she was really  drunk and passed out. Her name tag read “Amanda.” He laughed to himself and pulled out his cock. In fact, his most recent  girlfriend, Cassie, was passed out too.  In fact, every goddamn person in the room was completely passed the fuck out. Stupid fucks. So, after he was done with the other drunken women, he took his broken swiss army knife and went  around, slitting  the throats of all the bad guys, while reading their name tags.

"What  fucking pansy-ass kwar names" he thought

Matt. His eyes opened wide and he let out one word before he choked on his own blood and died: “Flannel”
 Mikey. He was about to cut his fat neck open when he noticed Mikey's wang was out. It was fucking huge. Bob stabbed it with his broken knife, then slit Mikey's throat.
John.  He stabbed John in the neck only to fall over, smoke filling his lungs. He coughed a lot. “Goddamn it fuck”
Lee. He stabbed her only to find his goddamn knife had melted. “What the goddamn fuck??” He looked up and saw the hole in her neck gushing molten blood. Like hot lava. Goddamn.
Cassie. He groped her titties one last time and jerked off on her face before slitting her throat. “Ha..stupid bitch”
Amanda. He managed to get it up again and raped her unconscious body before finally stabbing her 32 times in the face. Hells yeah.
Brandon. Red headed faggot. He stabbed him in both eyes
Codi. “YOU FUCKING FAGGOT” he yelled “I'M FROM MASSACHUSETTS” and he stabbed him in the neck so hard Codi's faggot head fell off.

And many many others who had equally faggish  names. So, anyways, Bob went  home and his mom beat his ass because  he was 20 minutes past curfew. That goddamn bitch.

T.  H.  E.    E.  N.  D.