Are Farts Wet And Lumpy

I'm up on deck, and the batter is ready to swing,
and all of a sudden, whooom out of nowhere a loud
noise echoed in the air, gaseous emanations drifting
The ball in flight, the batter missed, and the Ump
said, "Your outta here", not to the batter though.
My dad laughing so hard for he was the one that
omitted that nasty fart, while in the midst of
pitching the ball.
Everyone was doubled over laughing saying,
"Oh My Gawd!,Steve!, not in the middle of a game."
My Grandmother on the side lines, shaking her head,
probably thinking, "I surely didn't teach him those things."

That Old Catholic Well-Mannered Ump looked so disgusted
at the wafting smell, looking as if about to throw up.
My dad said,"Hey you can't do that, that's not in the rules."
The Ump said,"Don't argue just go, or I'll forfeit the game."
As my dad walked by him, he lifted up his leg,
and out roared another nasty, runny, sounding fart.
Then shaking his leg at the Ump, saying,
"Are farts wet and lumpy."
The old man fainted.
The game had to be postponed, for the Old Catholic Well-         
Mannered Ump was taken away in ambulance.
I think my Dad, almost gave the poor Guy a heart attack.