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True stories:Three Stooges...... plus one

Short story By: Caterina
Humor


Stories about a redneck, his two brother, and his best friend. They are the classic rednecks... the drink beer, eat road kill, and civilized folk cant understand a word they say! they do really dumb things, and half the time, they are sober!
True stories, courtesy of JEW!


Submitted:Apr 4, 2012    Reads: 29    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


This is the account of 4 rednecks well.... acting like red necks. Thesse are all true stories, and they were told to me by my best friend, jewly, who we call jew adn actually is the daughter of red neck number one. Thanks for reading If Enough people like this, i will write a sequel

The Rednecks

Bobby is Jewly's father. When I talk to him, half the time i need Jewly to traslate. Uncle Judd is bobby's brother. and jim is also his brother. No one knows who is older, all they know is bobby is the youngest (they think)

Bobby and his brothers tend to get drunk..... a lot. One time when they got drunk they were sitting artound a camp fire. Jewly's mom had gone to bed, and the brothers were drunk, as usual. Jewly was still awake and watching them. Bobby got the idea to try to light thier natural gasses on fire. Picture it; three rednecks holding up lighters to thier butts. It was hilarriouus. And it worked to! They continued to do ths until Bobby unfortenitly lit his butt on fire. He was running around screaming, and Jewly was laughing and laughing. When it finally went out he just sat donw and fell asleep.

Another time, Jim was drunk at a 4th o july party they were having. His girl friend, sally was with him. He tried to send her a text but instead sent it to Bobby It said

"you look really nice tonight honey.... i can wait till later" Bobby was half drunk himself, so he went over to Jim and started yelling. No on knew what it was about because no one could understand them. Judd just lay there watching them, then threw an empty beer can at them.

Bobby has a best friend named joe. He isnt very bright either. One time, his kids and wife were out and he was chopping up jalepenos for dinner. Now, if tehy half to take a whiz but are to lazy to walk to the bathroom, they will just go outside and go inthier back yard. Well, Joe ddint wash the jalepeno juice off his hands when he went out side. When he went back inside, he was a bit uncomfortable if you know what i mean. Suddenly, he started yelling casue it really started burning! his wife came home to see him standing fully clothed in the tub spraying himself with the water!

Another time, Jewly went out hunting with bobb and joe. She saw a flock of turkey and pointed her gun toword them. Right when she was about to pull her trigger, joe jumped infront of the gun, looked at her like he didnt now she was there, and yelled "Hi, Jewly!" he scared off the turkeys and almost got shot himself. Jewly wanted to kill him.

Judd is the only one you can understand when he talks. I've met him and i can understand every word he says unlike his brothers. Jewly says the reason is he is drunk most of the time.

Another time, Jewly was about 13 and she had her friend and brother over becaue it was a snow day, and thier mom had to go to work. It was early, about 5,becasue thier mom had to get to work at 6. THey were sitting in the living room, joking around, suddenly, they heard a grunt coming from down the hallway. They got really quiet as Bobby walked into the room, in only his briefs, 1 size to small! He just looked at them, grunted, and went into the kitchen to get a shot of vodka. He came back out, looked at them, grunted aghain, and went back to bed. The girls were howling with laughter.

Bobby also has a redneck dog name Quest. He tended to chew his but, so they had trouble stopping him. Recently, he chewed himself so much his butt started to bleed and it became infected. They had to put what Jewly calls the 'cone of shame' on him. One night they were watching a movie, and quest was clunking around. He must have got the cone stuck on a big cedar chest that they kept thier coats in. Jewly noticed, so she went to help him. When she looked at the dog from the front, the dog was asleep, standing up, with his cone on!

Another time, bobby and his brothers joe and judd were trying to cook dinner in the tiny truck camper when they went camping. I was there, so i remember it quiete well. They brothers are all very big, and the whole dang truck was rocking back and forth. You could here them yelling inside. "move booby! i need to get through!" "No judd, i cant until Joe moves!" "Well i cant move cause i am watching the steaks" Eventualy, the truck almost tipped over. It was hilarious

Well that is it for now. I will write asequek if you wouild like. Just comment if you want me to





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