Well here I go, another day of struggling with my muse to finish a couple more chapters of one of my books "Crash and Burn" I hope. I click onto the 'New Messages' button (knowing Booksie would have sent an e-mail if I had any) and stare at the 'no new messages' written in grey. So why is it the silly thing doesn't disappear when I read and comment back? Bah... I scroll about my short friends list and bang my head on the table.
The only comments I get on a regular basis go something like this "aaaayyyeeeemamamamaeeebbaaahhhh" from my child laying in the wonderful invention of a portable crib as he grins and tells me he loves me in his own way and tells me 'if they won't talk ta ya and tell you they care if you keep going, why not play with me instead? I love you, I think your great!' I laugh and get distracted again cause I figure the last comment I got besides one from my wonderful co-writer is over a month old and barely tells me what they liked and wanted to see.
My muse is fickle. He thumbs at his own work and goes "Well, I wrote five pages, and gave you the next chapters name, now I need to ponder for four more days... a page a day is all I need!" stupid muse! ::squishes fairy sized dragon:: I see myself on the top twenty (thanks to my co-writer voting for me) and smile in thanks, but think to myself "Well appearantly one book was the only huge fan collector I'll ever have and I've already finished and started revising it! No one wants to re-read a book on booksie.. >.< it's too time consuming.... ::play with son::
I have decided at least one of us in my little family accomplishes his daily goals... not me, not my fiance.. no... my son... whose only goals are world domination through cuteness.. ahh well... one department store at a time >.>
Hahahah, very nice hahaha. You are going through a down time, and i hope to get you out of it. You said to me "good luck in making the world my fans"... That hurt at first for some reason... because i dont usually get hurt here.... its seems impossioble to be hurt by squiggling black lines on a coloured panel... but it hurt. So i came to your page to see how old you are (in booksie years) and then i noticed this... and i laughed haha, because if it is affecting you too then it means you are from the last generation of booksians, because after a certain date the accounts actually give you the message WHEN THERE ARE MESSAGES! [mumbles under breath...] Yes i know that grey lettered feeling when there are no messages. It brings your mood to grey... and then you check an hour later hoping that for some ultradimensional reason someone has happened to drop in and leave even a " :D " as a message... Because even though i receieve a lot i get a lot of one liners. You said no one told you about what they liked and what they wanted to see... well i try to write what i feel expresses me. I am a bit of a 'nut' as the writer Funnybunny has branded me.... but im sure you already noticed with the degrading piece that you already read. But that surprisingly gets reads, but most of the people dont comment and hardly any of my fans ever push the all powerful "i like it" button... But you have to find your strong point!!!! Keep at it!! You've caught my attention! And now im going to read your other work when i have time... because there is a bad side to having that much fans.... they all become fans to get you to read their stuff as well... and well.... when you are 'getting' the world as your fans it kind of piles up, then people leave comments on your page telling you to comment on their work.... and you go to their page.... and you kind of sneakily walk backwards through the door hoping they didnt notice you.... because i dont like what they write... I havea taste and it is constantly abused... but i do it for them... not for me. But i do enjoy some people. But yes... i dont know why... but im hoping this will encourage you in some strange way to keep wrting and never giveing up. Only recently have i found a new outlet for writing.... romance.... yeah i never thought it possible but when i tried to write my first one it actually became popular here... and my fans ACTUALLY pushed the "I like it" button. It was quite a shock to know people didnt feel forced to comment. Because we all feel that feeling where we feel under pressure to leave soomething.... so we pretend we forgot about them and their work....... oops... maybe i shouldnt have said that.... oh well, there go a few fans.... -_-'
Well anyway i found a new outlet and people asked for more (for once) because up until that point no one asked me to write more on anything... in fact i think they commented to get me to shutup. The only thigns people ask for is romance and my Lionheart Says, which is a past time to degrade any sense of intelligence you may have... see im even degrading the readers now but they understand that im insecure and that it scares me when there are no comments....... ok im really sorry, i babbled for way too long.... but at least you have something to keep you busy and today i proved the 'new messages' button to be genuine. Your comment on my work affected me in many ways, so i thought i would express myself on your page, possibly staining it in the process with my insanity. But then i saw this and i really enjoyed reading it, because it is a good way to let out any anxieties and any irritating things we have on our chests. Well anyway i promise to read more of your work. I dont want people to leave this site, and i dont like seeing people demotivated. Dont worry, i have ALWAYS kept my promises even thoguh i have to read 50 fans writings, and by the time i finished them, the first ones are asking where i am and wondering when im coming back.... then i start all over again and during this next round a few more fans have joined and then im swamped.... Ugh.... what a life i have created.... but thats not to say im ungrateful, no way! They give me much joy to come here and see what they liked on my page. I mean... c'mon, it took me nearly 3 weeks to get a fan when i started here. I think the high number now only encourages others to be part of the number... so i dont feel very genuine with my fans.... I love having the high number, who wouldnt? But it has its draw backs.... plus i have yet to reach the record... other people are doing way better than me, and alll of their fans are still alive HAhahHA!!! Example; Air, Gerabel, Ed Senior. They are role models for me, and always have been, but my number is catching up to them, and its kind of scary... I dont know what to do.... in fact i am finding less time to write...... see right now i could have done a poem but instead i chose to come here to rant on about my issues with booksie and to show you how completely messed up my opinion is when it comes to fans.... Wow, bad thoughts are stirring so i'll change the subject.... Hmmm, i needed to say something else...(because i havent finsished with telling you my life story). I think this has become a therapuetic session... but you dont mind do you? Well if you do care, and this is annoying you and you wish i had never come to your page then you can just tell me directly that im pushing your button... grating your cheese... flipping your lid...
Ok, so i ope this keeps you busy.... its says i passed the 1000 word mark... is that possible? Wow... i should win an award for this... wowowowowowow.. Ok well im going to finish this up by saying never to stop writing. It may seem daunting seeing others and their oh so precious pools of comments but i was a loner here trying to fit in, now i have people calling me a legend.. its so weird... people look up to me now... and i have nothign to offer... wow i reached 100% :) Cant write more :(
Posted: Mar 9, 2008
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