Bears are hyped up over honey
By Greg Miller
Bridgitt the Bear realized she had a sweet tooth.
"Honey is my favorite treat," she told Bernard, her mate. "Of course, I love blueberries, blackberries, strawberries and raspberries, too, but there is something about honey that makes me feel like I'm in heaven.
"I'm with you, Sweetie," said Bernard. "Honey is such a wonderful tasting food that I could eat nothing but honey for the rest of my life. In my humble opinion, honey is nature's most perfect food.
"Honey isn't your entire diet, though, Dear," said Bridgitt. "For dinner last night, you had no trouble at all devouring enough blackberries to make pies to feed a hundred humans."
"Well, it was Monday," said Bernard. "And you know Monday is my night to go hog wild over blackberries. And you know I love to pour plenty of honey on my blackberries. It's a special treat for me when I'm able to do that."
"It's a pleasure for me to be able to watch you enjoy those honey-covered blackberries," said Bridgitt.
"Our son, BlueHoneyBerry Bear, loves honey-covered blackberries as much as you do," she continued.
"And our daughter, Rasp Honi Bear, loves honey-covered raspberries," said Bernard. "That's what she wants for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day."
"Very true," replied Bridgitt. "But at least she eats only honey or honey-covered blackberries for her afternoon and bedtime snacks."
"You know," grinned Bernard, "We're very fortunate creatures in God's creation. The good Lord has blessed us abundantly. He planned for us to be born as bears, not foxes, birds or (choke) humans. We're the most beautiful and intelligent creatures on the face of the earth."
"That's your humble opinion, Bernard, and you are entitled to it," said Bridgitt. "I, too, am glad I was born a bear, but there are many other creatures on earth that are almost as beautiful and intelligent as we are."
"You're right," replied Bernard. "I've heard about other creatures that have amazing qualities. Whales live under the water their entire lives and have to eat fish and other disgusting creatures. Lions and tigers live in the jungles of the world, and they are not nearly as good looking as we are. And squirrels run around their entire lives gathering nuts and dodging cars."
"And I've heard stories about horses, which are taxi cabs for humans," said Bridgitt. "And ants, which are noted for giving headaches to humans on their picnics."
"Can we please leave humans out of this conversation?," pleaded Bernard. "Since we are, by far, the superior life form, talking about humans so much is leaving me barely able to think about my next snack of honey and blackberries!"
To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements and/or puppet ministry, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.