I DO NOT TURN THE OTHER CHEEK
There are many things I believe, and there are many things I do not believe. But that is very human, all people believe and disbelieve, the only difference is the ‘What’!
I believe that if somebody does you in you do not turn the other cheek; you nail his or her hide to the toilet door!
I was working for a large international company that was going through many changes, upgrading their systems, operations and methods of doing things. Staff was encouraged to use their brains and come up with ideas, any idea that would enhance the company’s profile, and more importantly, increase its bottom line. I, and some of my colleagues, did come up with some innovations, some very good, some not so good and others outride bad.
Let me here introduce my adversary, Terrance (the Terrible) Featherstone. All of us know people like him, unless of course, we are like him. The boss would make the weakest joke, a joke a three year old would not find amusing, but Terrence would split his sides laughing. The boss would want a cup of coffee, Terrance would make it. If the boss did not feel like doing something, or was incapable of doing it, Terrance would do it for him. If the boss’ wife wanted some shopping done, Terrance would go shopping. If the boss wanted to get some dirt on somebody, Terrance would find and hand it over. If the boss made a rare suggestion, Terrance thought it the best suggestion he had ever heard. As we all know, on occasions you come across a situation within a company that was not right, and as a matter of course you will fix it and get on with your job. But with Terrance it was not so routine, the day after you fixed such a problem you would hear from the boss what an excellent job Terrance had done in fixing that problem, while you who actually did the fixing knew that Terrance was not even in the vicinity. Daily we heard from the boss what a loyal and dedicated employee Terrance was, and how far he would make it in the company.
Terrance did have a major weak spot though, his wife, who, for reasons above my apprehension, he seemed to be totally dedicated to. She was a big woman, and sat solidly on Terrance head. Everything he did had to be Okayed by her, and she pushed him hard to make a success of his career, she needed the money to compete with the neighbors, even though they were not named Jones.
Whenever my colleagues or I came up with an idea, good, indifferent or bad, we discussed it amongst ourselves to judge its merit, before writing it down and handing it in as a suggestion for improvement. Terrance often overheard our discussions, and when we did hand in our suggestions we were told that Terrance already had handed in the same suggestion, on two occasions I was actually accused of having stolen Terrance’s ideas!
I was not going to turn my cheek, nor was I going to lie down! I started plotting Terrance’s destruction. I raided my girlfriend’s drawers and liberated two items, which I kept in my briefcase for when the time was right to set Terrance up for a fall. I visited the drugstore and purchased a small packet.
My opportunity presented itself soon, I overheard Terrance phoning his wife telling her that the boss had asked him to work late, and that will increase his already high standing in the boss’s eyes.
The company insisted that we wear a dark suits with a dark tie, and a white shirt. As the offices were air-conditioned we used to take our jackets off and hung it over our chairs. While Terrance was discussing the work he was going to perform that evening I got hold of Terrance’s jacket. In the left-hand inside pocket I placed the G-string I had taken from my girlfriend’s drawer, in the right-hand inside pocket I placed the wrapper off a condom from the packet I had bought at the drugstore, putting the balance of the packet in his jacket’s outer top pocket. I knew that Terrance wife cleaned and pressed his suits daily and would surely find my presents if he did not discover it first.
On leaving the office I made sure to say goodbye to the man, squeezing his shoulder while wishing him well for the nights work. On my fingertips I had smeared some lipstick, also from my girlfriend’s drawer. While my hand was on Terrance’s shoulder I made sure that I rubbed a generous amount of this lipstick on his shirt collar, and even managed to get a bit on his neck.
The next day Terrance was not at work, nor the two days following. On the Monday Terrance did come to work, to hand in his resignation. He told the boss that his wife had opened divorce proceedings against him, for something he had not done even though all the evidence pointed to him being an unfaithful bastard. He no longer had any interest in furthering his career within the company.
I believe I did Terrance Featherstone a massive favor; I freed him from a terrible life of servitude to an overbearing woman!