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Tips on getting a Valentine

By: marshaRf

Page 1, Hey boys and girls! Here are some useful tips on how to get that special someone to go out with you on V Day!

If you're reading this, it probably means you want some tips on how to make that person you like go out with you on Valentines day. Lucky for you, I'm here to help.

 

Then again, you might be a 14 year old thinking, "Hey Marsh! I don't need your stupid advice, I'm a natural chick magnet! I can get any girl I want, without any help!".

 

Sure, in your head you think sunshine shines out of your crack, when in reality, it doesn't. It's unreal for you to go up to a chick and say, "Hey, wanna go out tonight?" and expect her to reply, "Oh, totes, you're like, the cutest guy ever, like in the whole world, like, like in the whole universe! You're so cool, (name)! Marry me already!" NO. NO ONE WILL SAY THAT. Chances are, I mean come on, you're on the internet and you're reading this guide, doesn't that explain everything already?

 

Okay, so you want to get a date for Valentines day. Firstly, you gotta accept that the hottest chick in class wouldn't date you because you're probably some delusional little boy. Got that? Alright let's move on. Now, rank yourself among the guys in the class. Give the most good looking guy a 10, and the ugliest a 1. Now, rank yourself. Since you're delusional, I'm going to expect you to give yourself an 8 or a 9 and you're going to keep telling yourself that you're better than the hottest guy. Well, get that thought out of your head. Finally, rank the girls and approach the one that's the same rank as you or lower.

 

Before you approach her, try to smile whenever she looks at you, it'll make you seem like you're a nice person, and it will give you the confidence to ask her out. Knowing you however, you're going to stare at her and give her the creepiest smile she's ever going to see. It's okay, at least you tried. Now that you have the confidence to approach her (if she didn't call the cops on you), ask her out! Walk up to her naturally, start a conversation talking about, I don't know, One Direction or whatever you kids listen to. Talk to her about things you can talk about, stuff like school, subjects, homework, sports, it's really easy. Just try not to talk about how good you are at World of Warcraft, or what level your Warcraft character is because it's a huge turn off. You don't have to like the same things in order to have a conversation, you just gotta talk about things both of you can relate to.

 

If she miraculously says yes, good for you! Go get ready for the date. Remember to brush your teeth and take breath mints, because you definitely have bad breath. If your mouth doesn't feel minty, take a breath mint or two. Or the whole tin. I don't care if you get diabetes from consuming 12 tins worth of breath mints, at least your date wouldn't run away from you. Also, dress your best. Don't overdo it by wearing a tuxedo or a suit to a movie, jeez, what is wrong with you? If you don't have any clothes besides that geeky "#1 Wizard in the World" shirt or those Spongebob shorts, buy some new clothes.

 

Don't smell bad, put on some deodorant, buy a few cans and use all of them. That's right, all of them. Try to smell good, don't ruin the date because you smell bad. Try not to rush things on that first date. Just because she agrees to go out with you on Valentines day, doesn't automatically mean that she's your girlfriend. Whatever happens after the date is all up to her. I know, I know, she's probably your everything and you think you're eventually going to end up having a thousand children with her, living happily ever after, yadda yadda yadda.. NO. Life is not like the movies. You might also be thinking throughout the whole date that the girl is your everything, that you guys are meant to be, that you guys are soulmates. You have very funny thoughts, young one.

 

I wish you goodluck, kid. If you manage to score a date, buy a nice gift for her. Don't buy a diamond ring on the first date(that's weird), or a bouquet of flowers or anything big, just get something small, don't overdo it. Even if you're alone on Valentines Day, don't feel sad and unloved and think "Oh man, I'm never going to get a girlfriend and I'll die alone, all by myself, OH THE HORROR!" you just have to be patient, you'll find someone someday.

Or not.

 

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