Bride of Der II
By Mike Stevens
Dr Dan Goiterstein was almost ready, ready to jolt another life out of dead flesh. He had already hooked up the jumper cables to his spare car battery and all he needed to do was hook up the two clamps on the other end to the neck bolts which protruded from either side of the lovely, gracefully-curving neck of his newest creation, which he would call Miss Wood. Miss Wood had been made simply to keep his male creation Der II happy and away from singles bars. It seemed that Der II was feeling his oats, so in order to keep Der II from going crazy with artificial lust, he had agreed to make Miss Wood. He had followed Der II’s directions to the letter. He’d sewed a fine backside and mammoth jugs onto Miss Wood’s body. He hoped Der II would like what he saw or else some bar-hopping ladies were in for the shock of their lives, for Der II was 7 ft. tall, had green skin, and walked like a pregnant lumberjack. If Der II thought himself a ladies man he would soon learn the awful truth: he was a hideous-looking, cobbled together, staggering joke to girls. Goiterstein couldn’t let Der II behumiliated like that, for Der II had no shot, so he’d agreed to build a woman for Der II. He made the connection to Miss Wood’s neck and waited for the sheet covering her to move, indicating life. Suddenly there was movement and the doctor removed the jumper cables from the car battery and then pulled off the sheet. Miss Wood sat up, naked, and looked around. Her face, at least, was beautiful.
Der II caught sight of her and yelled, “Wow, good job doc, she hot!”
Miss Wood stared at Der II and said, “What a pile of ugly he is!”
Der II looked devastated. “Way go doc, you made woman who think Der II un, un, how you say, unattractive!”
Miss Wood answered, “Not just unattractive, damn ugly and dumber than a post!”
Goiterstein interjected, “Now Miss Wood, there’s no reason to be cruel; give Der II time to grow on you.”
Miss Wood replied, “Oh, he’ll grow on me, huh? Sort of like a fungus!”
Der II responded, “There no way Der II marry that witch!”
Miss Wood responded, “Marriage? To him? You’ve got to be kidding. Get real!” Der II shot back, “Oh, you know about real; real bitchy!”
Goiterstein had to put a stop to this, “Look, let’s all have some beers and calm down.”
He knew how badly alcohol effected Der II, but he had to take that chance. The first time Der II had some beer, he had turned into a bastard, but hopefully that had just been a one-time occurrence.
Miss Wood asked, “What is beer?”
They had had plenty of beer, and the alcohol was affecting both of the doctor’s creations badly. Both of them had guzzled several, when all of a sudden, Miss Wood jumped up on the table where they were sitting, started stripping off her clothes, and her pieced-together body was not a pretty sight. But Der II didn’t seem to mind, he was even asking Dr. Goiterstein if he had any dollar bills he could borrow to encourage Miss Wood to go even farther.
“Yeah, Der II like, take it all off, baby!”
Dr. Goiterstein knew it had gone far enough, so he said, “I think it’s time to say goodnight.”
Der II came unglued, saying, “Say goodnight? Der II think just get to the good part. Der II say no way! There more beer?”
Dr Goiterstein cringed and cursed himself for giving both his creations alcohol, for what little common sense either might have had, had disappeared faster than the beer. He’d had to leave the room when Miss Wood and Der II had started to fondle one another. Now he waited outside their closed door for them to make an appearance. Just then, the door flew open and Miss Wood appeared, yelling,
“How disgusting; how could I have slept with him? What a mistake! Could someone give me a ride home? Oh, I live right here.”
Der II came out of the door next, saying to Miss Wood, “Der II thank you. Der II call you!"