Warning; advice given is NOT politically correct!
"Dear Winifred, I--"
"Dear Upside Down, this column cannot condone activities such as you are describing; but the staff and I got one hell of a kick out of the subject matter of your letter; a harness and blow up doll? Our question is, doesn't that position hurt? Seek professional help, and I'm not talking carpet cleaning. If you should not choose to go that route, my advice to you is duct tape, lots of duct tape; Winifred."