By Mike Stevens
Dr. Dan Goiterstein took comfort in the fact there would be no more artificially-created people, leastwise not by him. He’d had so much trouble with the two he’d already created, Der II and Miss Wood. Der II got uncontrollable, and Miss Wood became easy, when they consumed alcohol. Give Der II a couple of beers, and he turned into some kind of monster. Give the same to Miss Wood, and she was liable to whip out her t***, which, to put it mildly, was not easy on the eyes. As he was just sitting there relaxing, Miss Wood came into the living room, and said she had something to tell him. Dr. Goiterstein told her to go ahead. She told him it was painful to admit, but she and Der II had indeed gotten together, and there would soon be another mouth to feed. The doctor was completely thrown for a loop, and yelled,
“How could you be so stupid? How are you going to support a child? In one night of careless pleasure, you’ve thrown you life away, daughter!”
She replied, “Oh father, I never meant to hurt you; please, try to understand!”
Goiterstein shook his head and responded, “Oh, I only want what’s best for you. Der II may be my creation, but he’s a loser. You’ll never get him to step up and take responsibility.”
“How do you know? Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
“What; you’re what?” was Der II’s response after she’d told him. “How can Miss Wood be sure, maybe Der II not the father.”
“Come on Der II, how many other creations do you see here?” Miss Wood replied.
Der II then said, “Der II only with Miss Wood one night. How Der II know there no other guys?”
“Der II, you’re the only one I’ve ever been with!” she cried.
“So Miss Wood say. If prove, then Der II daddy. If not prove, Der II not screwing up life!”
Dr. Goierstein couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, thinking about the upcoming birth of his first grandchild. Der II and Miss Wood were no longer speaking to each other. Most of the problem seemed to arise from the fact Der II and Miss Wood had nothing in common but being cobbled together out of dead people. Der II wasn’t very bright, due to Goiterstein taking the brain from some dude who must have been a total moron when living. He couldn’t string long words together, and his best were nothing but curse words. Man, could he ever swear a blue streak. Miss Wood, on the other hand, was a good speaker, and semi-polite, except when she had first come awake, and after consuming alcohol for the first, and only time. That had led to the conception of the soon-to-be child. Together, they made a terrible match. Der II had sworn he wasn’t the father, even though there was no one else Miss Wood could have possibly been with. They weren’t even on speaking terms.
At last the day had arrived; Der III had been born. Upon his arrival, Goiterstein had been overcome with emotion. His first grandchild! Der III looked up as Goiterstein held the child, and smiled.
Der II was angry. He was a father. Even though he had told Miss Wood there was no way he was the child’s father, he knew the truth. It sure made things more complicated. He wasn’t prepared to be responsible for a child. Still, he felt a surge of emotion whenever the child was near. He knew if he admitted responsibility, he could kiss his wild partying days goodbye. Miss Wood answered the knock upon her door, and opened it to find none other than Der II standing there.
“What do you want?” she asked, rather sarcastically.
“Ah, Der II like to talk.” he replied.
Miss Wood then said, “Oh, okay, come in.”
Der II moved past her, and sat nervously on the couch. “I love what you do to place,” he said.
“What do you want?” asked Miss Wood.
Der II got a pained expression on his face and said, “Look, Der II most likely father. Der II not sure can do it, but Der II want us to be family. Der II ask you to take him back.”
He had completely taken her by surprise. “Der II, are you sure?”
They were making a go of it, Der II, Der III, and Miss Wood were a family.