By Mike Stevens
A Jimmy Tilford Tale
“Five, four, three, two, one, liftoff; we have liftoff of the Deep Space Explorer, on it’s 5 year mission to seek out new life and new civilizations; to coldly go where it’s freezing!”
Jimmy Tilford made up the last part of the famous saying from the classic T.V. show, because he really didn’t remember the exact words, but he wanted to get them as close to correct as possible. They’d been studying space exploration at school, and he knew that it was very cold in space. In his latest daydream his dad’s recliner chair, with a blanket thrown over it, had become The Deep Space Explorer, a rocket launched from the USA, on a mission to discover other civilizations on other worlds. He was an spaceman, and a major in the Coast Guard. He knew he should be military, and he had chosen his favorite branch, the Coast Guard. The recliner shook (or at least he imagined it did), and soared into the heavens.
Somehow, they’d miraculously travelled an immense distance in seconds, and now were orbiting a grayish-red planet.
They had received a signal over the radio, that said, “To the rocket we can see with the naked eye, if you’ve come looking for intelligent life on other worlds, you’ve come to the right place. Come on down, sit awhile, we’ll share an ice-cold drink, and we’ll talk.”
Jimmy didn’t know if aliens preferred their drinks ice-cold, but man, was he thirsty, so that’s the way it was going to be!
They had beamed down to within feet of where the strange aliens sat around, swilling ice-cold drinks. Jimmy doubted beaming was a good way to travel, or would even work, but it was easy, so he went with it. One of the aliens jumped up and exclaimed,
“Welcome to Trellazar; I’m Lacar Behoovian, supreme leader of The Trellazarians.”
Major Jimmy stepped forward and replied, “So good to receive your warm reception; we’re from a planet many light years across the universe called Earth, and---”
“Wait, Earth? What kind of name is that?”
Major Jimmy felt a red-hot flash of anger, and hotly replied, “Yeah, well what kind of name is, is, err, Trellazar?”
“What? It’s a fine name, unlike Earth!” At his response, the other aliens chuckled. Major Jimmy became enraged, screaming,
“Shut up! Shut every one of your 3 mouths!”
No sooner were his words out of his lone mouth, than the men from Earth were having to dodge laser-fire from The Trellazarians.
Major Jimmy, from behind a nearby boulder, shouted, “Men, let’s get out of here!” and he radioed the Deep-Space Explorer to beam them up. Luckily, The Trellazarians were terrible shots, and no one was hit. Major Jimmy felt they shouldn’t push their luck, and called for an end to their 5 year mission after only 2 years.
The recliner returned safely to Earth, and his mother pulled away the protective blanket, and said,
“I made some chocolate chip cookies; would you like some?”
Would he? After surviving on Tang and imaginary freeze-dried nuts and berries, who was she kidding?