By Mike Stevens
“Wanted: musicians to form a unique band, must love to travel.” So read the want ad that Sir Robert Timkins had placed in the local paper. He had thought about saying it was a death metal band, but had quickly changed his mind; why limit it to just that? After all, he was a trained opera singer singing death metal. His would be a rock band to which the rules didn’t apply. He himself was a testament to ‘stretching your comfort zone’.
Two days the want ad had been running, and all manner of people had answered his ad and called. He thought back to some of them:
“Yes, I’m calling in response to your musicians wanted ad in the paper.”
“Yes, tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I think it would help me to get out of my house; I haven’t left it in 55 years.”
“That’s right; but I like this newfangled ‘rock and roll’. It seems exiting, but it probably won’t ever catch on.
“Ah, I’ll let you know!”
“Yeah, dude, is this, like, the right place to answer the ad?”
“If you’re referring to the ad for musicians, yes.”
“It’s for a heavy metal band I’m putting together called Crushing Blow; are you still interested?”
“Oh, most definitely; the only problem might be that I’m currently imprisoned for manslaughter, but my lawyer tells me I have every reason to think I'll be getting out soon; something about the police screwing up the evidence. Can you wait a little bit?”
“Ah, I let you know!”
“Sure, dude; you can read me at Shawrake Prison; just ask for Prisoner #...hello?”
“This is Dagger, and I’m calling from Hell...”
“Yes, is the right place to answer the ad for musicians?”
“Yes, I placed the ad in the paper; how old are you? You sound young.”
“Oh, I’m 7, but I can play the triangle, and besides my parents are cool with it. I’ve wanted to be in a band since I was 5, and...”
“Hello, who is this? Timmy, hang up and get into bed! Now, who are you.. hello?”
Maybe this was going to take a little longer than he thought!