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Short story By: moonphish

beats me

Submitted:Mar 12, 2012    Reads: 62    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   


it was beatnik poetry night down at the espresso messo
a run down but hip joint on the corner of 13th and pelvis
there were more goatees there than a petting zoo
first prize would be a rare stradivarius ukelele
the competition began
first up was a woman named amelia dollarz
thin with spectacles and a plumed hat
she announced she was going to show the crowd a slide show
and then presented photos of playground equipment
their confused stares caused her to burst into tears
i don't mean she started crying
she burst into the tears
the stage was mopped up and the contest continued
next up was a greek fellow by the name of telly kneisses
he had a braided beard and looked fierce
his poem was about a snake who wondered what his rattle would taste like
soon he had a rattle in his throat....telly, that is
eventually the snake ate himself
telly compared this to global warming
the response was luke warm
they decided to raffle off amelia's hat
next up was bill tupp
he wore a boy scout's uniform and scuba fins
his work was about adolph hitler
he compared him to a silly goose
and his followers to goslings
he had also supplied a short film
soldiers marching to a raucous zydeco beat
this got the crowd chuckling
so far the front runner
next up was howie dewen
he looked like he had gotten his clothing from a dumpster
he named all the geometric shapes in alphabetical order
except a square
guess you had to be there
next up was a woman named gladys sunday
her poem was about how every one was really a zero
she urged the crowd to smoke and blow smoke rings for ambiance
a few people snapped their fingers
sounded like crickets at a convalescent hospital
next up was a fellow who refused to give his name
he recited kilmer's famous line about a tree
but each time he would replace tree with a rhyming word
finally aunt bea
german soldiers were beginning to look good
next up was molly sylvia labbick
she was a dead ringer for june cleaver
she had brought her cat
she had the cat purr into the microphone
that was her poem
next up was jack spratt
he swore that was his real name
he did a lovely poem about a color blind man watching the sunset
the crowd ate it up like granola
the ukelele was as good as his, he figured
then up stepped charles ulysses farley
dressed as a knight sans helmet
his poem, he said, was a tribute to john cage
he said nothing further
the crowd sat in rapt amazement
and broke into riotous applause
4 minutes and 33 seconds later
he had won the contest
and also the love of molly
but that is another story


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