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Awkward Moments in Religious History - Part 1

Short story By: pDaisy
Humor


God as a single-parent.


Submitted:Jan 4, 2013    Reads: 59    Comments: 4    Likes: 2   


As God's fire and brimstone wrath swept across the kingdom of Gomorrah, pillars fell and the bodies of the dead lay strewn over the fields. Their heathen souls ripped from their lives and cast into the pit of hell by their vengeful lord.

Jesus approached God as he was watching the destruction unfold beneath his eyes.

"Hey what's goin' on?" Jesus asked as he looked down at the rubble. "Another war?"

"No nothing like that, I just took out Sodom and Gomorrah. And..." God put on a smug face, "with only two bolts of lightning and one volcano!"

Jesus was shocked. "You did what! Why?"

"Why? You should have seen what they were doing down there son. Man was lying with man, all sorts of crazy shit was happening. I don't know what possessed them."

"Dude it was opposite day!"

God looked at his son. "What?"

"It was opposite day!"

"No one told me that."

"What do you mean no one told you that? Yesterday at dinner I said, 'hey, just to let you know, tomorrow is opposite day.' And you looked at me and said 'ya, ya, I know.' How does that compute with 'no one told me it was opposite day'?"

"That's what you were talking about? I said 'ya, ya' so I could get on with eating my dinner."

"Man you never listen to me!" Jesus screamed.

"Calm down and don't use that tone with me young man!"

Jesus threw up his hands and taunted his Father, "What're you gonna do, huh, kill me with lightning bolts?"

"Hey I don't need your sarcasm, maybe you should go and spend a few days with your mother. Or maybe I should make you mortal, huh, would you like that?"

"Man I wished you never resurrected me!" he screamed and Jesus walked out leaving God looking after him.

"Jesus! Jesus Christ!" Shaking his head in frustration God looked down at the smoldering ashes of two once-great kingdoms. "I swear I didn't hear him tell me it was opposite day," he said to himself.





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