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Awkward Moments in Religious History - Part XI

Short story By: pDaisy

The end is at hand...

Submitted:Feb 18, 2013    Reads: 36    Comments: 4    Likes: 3   


"Oops? Oops! That's all you have to say? You've started the apocalypse, and your only response is oops! The final plague has begun and as we speak is beginning to ravish the earth, and you come up with oops!"

God looked on as Jesus began pacing the room, muttering to himself. Jesus returned his gaze toward God, "What is with you, destroying everything? First you flood everything, then you destroy Sodom and Gomorrah on opposite day..."

"Man you're never going to let that drop are you? That was thousands of years ago. You sure know how to hold a grudge Jesus."

"... And now you expect me to believe that this was just an accident that you can dismiss by saying the word 'oops!' How could you have possibly pushed the wrong button?"

"Look at how many buttons there are! I got confused. I thought it was the button I push to summon the Angels."

"Ah ... No! That would be the blue button that has the sticky underneath it with the word 'Angels' written on it! How many times have I said to you, 'Capital A is for Armageddon, small A is for angels' Huh? How many?"

"It's all this technology Jesus, I told you I would have preferred the old way of having a carved tablet. I never got confused then!"

"Oh so this is all my fault? I try and bring this family out of the dark ages and into the light and I'm responsible for the disaster that follows because my Father can't tell the difference between a red button with capital A on it and a blue button with a small A on it? Well... I am sorry that you couldn't figure it out dad!"

"There there son, don't be so hard on yourself. You couldn't have known could you?"

Jesus looked at the Lord with his mouth hanging open, and throwing up his arms in frustration.

"I don't know why your making such a bid deal out if this," God continued, "I'll make new people if you want me too."

"Hey, I died for those people down there!"

"I brought you back didn't I? I wish for once you would quit your bitching, and start being just a little bit grateful!"

Jesus rolled his eyes and walked away. "I can't talk to you. I can not talk to you!"

God watched Jesus leave in a huff, but was quickly drawn back to the carnage below. Oh this is going to be one good show! He thought to himself. Way better than Sodom and Gomorrah!

And God watched with a smile as His angels smote the wicked and unclean from the earth and carried the chaste and the just to their heavenly refuge, where the lions and tigers were just sitting down together to share a meal of cabbage and lima beans.

As all things must so too ends the saga of religious history's most awkward moments.


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