Hello, my name is David Mamet.

Nope, I’m not the Director. I just happen to be named like him.

In fact, I actually picked my own name. Honestly, I like the guy, great Director, great playwright and a damn good scriptwriter… one of the best of all time!

Time… hehe… you’re gonna love that part!

Wanna hear another fact? Are you ready?

Ok… here it goes:

I

Am

An Alien.

Oh… you don’t believe me?

What were you expecting? Green skin? Three eyes? Antennas? Big spaceship? David phone home?

Puh-leeeeeaaaaasssseeeee…. Grow up, you geeks!

Gosh, I can’t stand geeks!

Ok. Ok. I know I look like a regular Joe, not like your typical alien… but here’s the proof…

If…. If, I’m not an alien… If I’m a human being… then how the hell I’m here talking to you?

How can I be HERE right now, in this moment of the “space/time continuum” if earth already blew up?

Ha! You didn’t see that one coming!

Okaaaaaay…. Take a deep breath… think about what I’m saying… assimilate… ok… here it goes again…

YES! Earth, your planet, third rock form the sun! It’s gone. End of the world, the man CAME around… Human race is no more… et all…

OK. You’re digesting… breath… breath…. One, two, three, one, two, three…

That’s it… that’s it…

Now… you’re asking yourselves…”All right smart ass, if earth is gone, then how the hell are WE here, listening to you talk a bunch of crap?”

First of all: If you’re sitting THERE, listening to ME and you think what I say is BULL… it’s because you want to! You don’t wan to? There’s the door!

Woah! Easy, easy, sit down people.. it’s a joke… just trying to relieve tension here…Sir… Sir… it’s a joke…Oh! Come on! Don’t leave the room! That actually is rude! Oh yeah? Well… up yours, pal!

Anyway… shady bastard… (clears throat)… anyway… so you’re all dead, how am I here?

Yes? Anyone? You? You? Maybe you? Hot blonde in row seven? No?

Well… it’s obvious earthlings!!!!

DUUUH! Two words…

Ok, don’t kill each other to see who answers first… Seriously huh? You have no idea…

Two words…

TIME

And

TRAVEL

Yeah, yeah… it’s possible. No, not for humans, you primitive pricks…

So, next question: Why am I here telling you all this?

Well, I am here to denounce the single greatest villain in human history…

This man! Ozymandias Price!

And why is he such a despicable person you ask?

Let me tell you…

We, the aliens… OK, just me… the alien… your friend David…decided to tell him something?

What?

Well, the precise minute, hour, day, month and year the world, your world, was going to end…

How did I deliver such an important piece of information? How did I get him to believe me?

That doesn’t really matter anymore, but don’t worry, you’ll find out… just be patient… we’ll get there…

And what, I can see you asking yourselves, did Ozymandias Price decided to do with that piece of information?

ABSOLUTELY

NOTHING

And why is he the greatest criminal in the History of the World?

Well, judge for yourselves…

Roll tape!

(click… wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)…