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Fantastical Fast Food Fallacy

By: Russ Teed

Page 1, Not all signs are to be taken literally.

I’m driving along wailing out a rockin’ tune, "Girl you're every woman in the world, to me..." by Air Supply and I realize I'm starving. Not Sally Struthers starving but very hungry.

I pull to the end of the long line of fatty food, sodium and carbohydrate latent culinary addicts at the drive thru. While in line I see a kid in the car in front of me eating candy corns and egregiously laughing it up at my singing.

This adolescent soon became an irritant so I stuck my tongue out at him. The little punk tells his mother, she jumps out and waddles up to my car.

She was wearing pajama mama pants with African animals on them. This image was alike the king of the jungle was being dethroned by assailant rebel jungle dwellers!

Now fight or flight sets in but I'm so hungry I keep my status in line. We argue through the one inch space my window had open on my securely locked door.

After addressing me with extremely colorful epithets she goes back to her car, most likely because of candy corn withdrawal. I roll my window up tightly and yell "coward"!

Ten painstaking minutes later I finally get to put in my order and I say to the speaker, "Cheeseburger, small fry, and a coke please".

Woman says, "Uhmm, sorry sir but..." I turn down the heart wrenching song and cut her off, I blast out, "Unbelievable!

Every time I come here something goes wrong! I get short changed, you dopes forget something, you've run out of exactly what I came here for, or I get the wrong order altogether (which I keep and say nothing if it's better than what I had requested).

Now, can I please have a cheeseburger, small fries and a Coke, if you don’t mind, sometime today"! After a pause of about 10 seconds I hear, "look directly above the speaker @$$#&£€!" curious, Ilook up, in bold enlightened letters it read, "Bank of America”...

I say, "Well then, it seems one of us has made a colossal mistake, apology accepted wench”! Then I punch the gas and gun it out of there! Too bad I had forgotten about the speed bumps drive thru’s so adore. I launch and impact the very building I had just attempted to flee.

The very same order taker girl that was so rude to me moments ago walked up to the wreckage and says, "Drive Thru, is figurative sir, AHAHAAA”!

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