Today we salute you; Mr. Supermarket Free Sample Giver Awayer Guy.
You day starts at 4:00am by treating yourself to an overly generous full body rub down of Ben Gay and you slither on your orthopedic stockings onto your eighty seven year old body.
Your coke bottle glasses barely rise above the steering wheel on your morning drive while praying you won't drive yourself into a convenience store as so many of your post prime peers enjoy.
Proudly you hoist on your pink striped apron onto your hobbit sized body and slap on the matching paper hat..
You sizzle up your delectable root beer barrel candy sized cocktail wieners with a beguiled grimace of status alike Chef Gordon Ramsay.
Then serve 'em up in a dentists sized paper cups for mass dispensing to the unsuspecting food gatherers, as they, avoid eye contact at all costs as if you were the Medusa of grocery store mini-meat giveawayers.
The shopping cart pushers would rather instead be a customer at the Betty Ford Clinic than interact with the likes of you and your dwarf sized mirthfully feeble frankfurters.
You end your shift appreciatively by vociferously touting "Hoorah, only three spit-outs this glorious day"!
So keep on peddling proudly Oscar Mayor man, Mr. Supermarket Free Sample Giver Awayer Guy.