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Promiscuous Pole of Pleasure

Short story By: Russ Teed
Humor



A selfless act goes terribly wrong


Submitted:Mar 24, 2013    Reads: 51    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


Promiscuous Pole of Pleasure

While enjoying this yarn, bear in mind that I am a 48 year old 6' 3" man scaling in at approximately 300 pounds. The following is my re-enactment of an incident of untenable passion in real time.

I secretively installed an exotic dancing pole in my bedroom in a whimsical moment of malcontent.

Later that evening I heard "I'm not coming near that thing, it's degrading to women!"

Me - "Don't you fret my dear, this baby is for me! Now sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how this is done. Watch… and… learn!

Okay, let's get things started with some groovy DJ techno rhythm - DOOV DOOV DOOV DOOV… Oh yes, the bass is coursing through my soul. Yessa I'm feelin' it now… LET"S GO!

Whoa mama, I gotta get my freak streak on to "The devil went down to Georgia". This song always get my gyrate to migrate.

I'm shakin' my money maker and it ain't broke, how can you possibly keep your hands off me, yeeee haaaaw!

My bust n' move is in the groove now ladies! I mean lady!

Now for a triple half-gainer dismount into a split… YELP! OOOOFFF!! … HELP!

No wait, DOOV DOOV DOOV DOOV "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT", OMG I lose it when this song wiggles my giggle. I feel the Elvis in my pelvis!

Now I'll attempt an inverted erotic serenade, here goes… Look at this stellar feller, ɯ,ı ǝpısdn uʍop!

Next I'll circle the pole fully extended and swing like a helicopter blade. Faster, faster, and FASTER I go!"

Then the inevitable dark cloud entered the scene, as it has oh so many times; KABOOOOOOM!!!"

Well, it became all too clear in an instant that I should have invested in bigger bolts to support my promiscuous pole of pleasure. I always wanted a sky light but this is NOT how I had imagined it.

Wanted: One bureau, a little table for next to my bed, two hope chests (yes, I have one too), and quite possibly a cat. I won't be certain until the debris is removed.

And I bought that little table for next to my bed just yesterday; I guess it was just a one night stand?

I'll tell you this; the folks upstairs, or should I say used to be upstairs, just brushed themselves off and left without so much as a hello? That was just downright rude!

As they walked out I yelled "THANKS FOR DROPPING IN! LOL LOL LOL!"

"#?@% $#@ ?%) #$&@" was also an ill-mannered response, in my humble opinion…

Any way, the ambulatory ride to the hospital was relatively crash free, and I didn't have to diall 911 from inside it.





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