I want to know how it works in a guys mind. I'm sure I'm not the first female who wishes this. People thinks' it so simple, 'oh, all he wants is beer and sex' but what if he doesn't, what would be the answer, what if he doesn't drink, what if he want a girl that's not so easy? And you'll probably say every guy is different in his own way, right? That's not what I want to hear, but no one does, and not me.
The worst thing about this guy that I'm crushing (to a point of death, not really) on is that I have no clue what he thinks, he doesn't' even talk, well he does, just not a mouthful. Not like this one guy I have a feel that has a thing for me, well there's two of them, but I'm not interested, well maybe in the weird funny one but not the athletic one, I'm into the people who just don't try too hard, but it's not like he's thrusting himself on me or anything it's just…it's hard to put your feeling in words…so here I go… (Please don't laugh...)
He (the one I don't like) is just, it's not like I don't like how he looks, well he's not attractive, but so isn't the other guy I really have a crush on. It's just he's…not my type? I think that's the safe way around it, but what is my type? I think I kind of do have one, because the one guy I have a crush on is kind of thin and so is the one that I think has a thing for me, but not in the 'whoa your really thin' but the 'your awkwardly thin' and the other guy is just bulgy, not fat, but muscular-ish and I made a oath to myself that I wouldn't get a thing for a meat head in the sixth grade (which was nearly ages ago, but an oath is an oath), I'm just not that into guys who do sports (well not that, but to a point where he's beefed up and you can't see the guy inside anymore, he's just this big human that might crush you), sure you can do sports, I don't mind so much about that, but don't live and breathe it like it's the only thing to do, you have a brain, do something with THAT! I bet there's something bright and smart up there, so stop banging on other humans, or other things and use it, I'm sure I'll love whatever you think is the next big thing or just the prototype for something that'll make you happy, happy that you made something you've created. Oh, I'm rambling now am I? Back to my crush… (Flush, no not the toilet, well do that too…)
Yup him, gosh, what's to say, I'm not a girly girl, I'm a model for God Sake, and I don't have a pink delicate thing in my body, nothing sweet or tartly…but when I think about him it's just like this invisible wall just falls that I thought never was there before, like he open a door to a brighter day, a better me. I get a smushy inside like someone just fed me too much sweet, I LOVE THE RUSH! How girly I sound, and do I care? Not one bit!
And how well do I know this guy?….um not that well. I've only said about four words to him-wait.
"Hey, um, uh," no three.
The first painful words were spoken when I had to ask him for something of mine that was surprisingly resting on the inside of his legs- I had placed it there not think someone would sit there but then people start to move around the class and there he was, and there was my stuff…I could smell the awkwardness.
Afterwards I ask him, but no I don't even say a complete sentence.
"Hey," I tap his shoulder, "um uh," I point at my stuff, like some six year old who still need to learn how to put words together like the other big kids. How painful I felt afterwards! How stupid! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I still feel a little silly!!!!!!!! And that was nearly two months ago!!!!
But you know what I'm going to do now, with Cut Off Your Hand-Happy as Can Be, playing on my laptop:
And your mine! And Your Mineeeeee! (not trying to be over protective!!!)
I'm fueled to talk to him the next time I see him, wish me luck.
THE STORY Continues in Confessions of a weird-o tales part 2...