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The Witty Professor

Short story By: Sasa Sijak
Humor



Mr. Jones is a professor of quantum physics. This time he is going to make a lecture that will make all of the students happy.


Submitted:May 15, 2013    Reads: 246    Comments: 2    Likes: 2   


Mr. Jones is a serious professor of atomic physics, but he sometimes makes some foolish things that make their students laugh. What is the most important quality that Mr. Jones has? He is a witty man and you never know what he will do next.

I sat in a classroom that day, tired from last night's studying. I didn't want to do anything or listen to anything. I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. Suddenly, Mr. Jones entered the classroom carrying a rubber chicken, marbles, weights and ropes. What could a respectable teacher like Mr. Jones do with a rubber chick? He put all of these things on his desk and he addressed the students.

'Today we are going to learn about quantum physics'. He said with joy.

Quantum physics and some stupid toys, that sounds weird. Is he going to break some atoms with some glass marbles? Maybe he wants to take the rubber chick and turn it into quantum singularity. That would be just stupid. I waited patiently for his next step. Maybe he is going to surprise us with some hidden objects and teach us how to play a game.

'You might wonder what these silly things are doing here. This is a lesson about quantum physics and not some pre-school science education class. I am going to reveal the mysteries of the universe to you in the next fifteen minutes. Prepare for a majestic voyage into the depths of the universe and the very soul of its creation.'

He is going to tell us the secrets of the universe. That is so convenient. But isn't it true that universe was never created and that it was always there. I am waiting patiently for his explanation. Then I can go back to sleep. I can't take it anymore.

'What is this chicken for? You know that silly dilemma about the origins of chicken and the egg. Some people say that first there were eggs and then the chicken. The other people say that first there were chicken and then the eggs. I like the chicken hypothesis. The ancestors of the chicken didn't lay eggs and they used the asexual reproduction. At one point of evolution, the chick and the cock appeared and that was the beginning of the regular reproduction that we have now. You might wonder what does this have to do with the quantum physics. Now you will get the answers.'

I thought it was boring, but some of that story made sense. I am not a philosophical type of person and I don't care about those dilemmas. I don't really care who created the universe. Mr. Jones used even more energy now.

'I am going to tie these ropes to a rubber chick. I will also use these weights to secure the chick to my desk. After that, I will throw the marbles to the chick. Suppose the chick is the center of the atom and the marbles are the neutrons that are going to destroy the center of the atom and make a nuclear explosion. Look at this elastic force of the rubber chick. The marbles are getting a momentum.'

The crowd started to listen to Mr. Jones. They were actually interested and they were waiting patiently for his next step. This should bring the magnificent conclusion to this unique and mind blowing experiment.

'Now I am increasing the power and I am bringing more marbles. Please notice the way that the rubber chick bends. Oh, no…'

At this moment, something terrible happened. I am saying terrible, but it was really funny. Mr. Jones slipped on marbles and fell down. He made the last grip onto the rope that tied the rubber chick to the weights. But Mr. Jones was too heavy and he pulled the chick so strong that it ended on his head. The ropes and the weights followed. Mr. Jones looked like a monster from the low budget horror movies. His face was covered by the rubber chick and the two weights were dangling from his shoulders. His face was red and he was full of anger.

'Stop laughing and help me. My back hurts. Put that chick away. Set me free…'

The students jumped to help the misfortunate teacher. But they also forgot about the marbles on the floor. Three more students slipped and feel down on the floor. They created the funny scene that looked like a chick monster and poor farmers' combat. Now was the time for the rest of us to take care about the situation. We went there and picked up all of the marbles. Then we approached the poor Mr. Jones. We finally helped him and the three other students.

'Students, let me tell you more about this funny scene that you just witnesses. I actually fell on purpose and the other events followed naturally. It is called the butterfly effect and it is one of the main principles of quantum physics. Now you know that there is no way to predict what will happen in the future.'

Was he actually trying to make an excuse for his clumsiness? The whole scene looked natural and I don't think he fell on purpose and made a fool of himself. However, this was definitely the most interesting quantum physics lecture ever.





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