"Who is it?!" A woman yelled.
"My names Phil, I live 3 doors down the hall." He replied.
"Come back when I dont have dingleberries hanging from my crusty shithole!" The woman yelled.
"I love berries!" Said Phil. The woman opened the door and let him inside. "Wow, you...you're beautiful." Phil smiled. "Thank you, I used to Model." She said. "Why dont you sit down while I fix you some tea?"
It was a long and rainy night, and her room was warm from the fireplace. Phil sat down and looked around her apartment. There were portraits of the woman hanging on the wall. She seemed to of done many of them in the nude. And they all seemed very recent since she still looked young and beautiful. But there was a higher truth to be told. One of those truths were hot hunks of poo with bits of corn. She HAD been shitting and there was in fact SHIT.
"You arrived just in time." She said, holding a hot cup of tea. "I just took the brownies out of the oven. My own special recipe." She smiled.
"I'm sorry if I've intruded on your brownies." Phil said impatiently. "But the neighbors have been complaining about a particular smell."
The woman sat down in a chair in front of him and took a small sip of her tea. "What smell?" She quietly asked.
Phil looked around the room and took a sip of his tea. "Honestly Miss, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the smell that reeks of diseased diarrhea all up and down the building." He said sarcastically.
"Well I've been having a bad case of THE SHITS all evening. Enchiladas will do that to you." She smiled.
Phil gave her a stare of uncertainty and said nothing.
Then the woman sat closer and whispered, "I have an idea..." She took another sip of her tea. "...why dont you smear some of my feces on your eyebrows? It's quite exotic."
Phil stood up and proceeded toward the front door in disgust.
"Wait!" She yelled. "You must have one of my brownies! They are delicious! Especially when you shove 2 or 3 of them up your ass and clench your buttcheeks!"
Phil stopped and turned around and screamed, "I dont want your tainted brownies, Miss! You have displayed such a repulsive act of pure filth! This is no way to be a lady! I wish you the worst of luck in life!" Then he left.
The woman stood up, stuck her head out of the door and screamed, "Fuck you! I'm not filthy! I'm a god damn woman of love! I offer you Tea and Brownies and THIS is my THANK YOU?!! Next time I see you I'm spreading my cheeks and making stink nuggets all up and down this mother fucker!" She then slammed the door and shit herself to death.
The neighbors soon had a new smell to complain about.