Paul Belmondo was named after the actor. That was alright with
him. After all, he wasn't the only man with a French name living
in Quebec. There were plenty of others. When he walked downstairs
that morning to eat, there was nothing. Only a huge mountain of
spinach left over from the night before. He unwrapped a cube of
butter, stacked it on top of the mountain of spinach, and put it
in the microwave. It was done in two minutes.
Then he ate it.
It wasn't remarkable, him eating it all. That was just his way.
What was remarkable was what happened next. His right arm started
to itch, then his left. His right forearm started to swell, then
his left. Then both at one time, though his elbows stayed the
"Q'uest que ce?"
he remarked, though I can't be sure, it was in French.
A dark shape
started to form on his skin marking his forearm.
dress, he slipped on the tight jeans he normally wore. But
somehow he thought,
"Il n'est pas bon."
So he walked to
his uncle's room who was a ex-hippy. In the back of the closet he
found what he wanted, a pair of white bell-bottomed pants. Then
he located a wide belt to match. He looked in the mirror.
"C'est bon," he
said to himself.
He went back to
his room and found a striped shirt.
"Oui," he said
to the mirror.
Lastly he went
to his brother's room and stole his white sailor's cap.
Before he walked
out into the sunshine, he pulled up the sleeve of his right arm
to expose the now perfectly formed tattoo of an anchor.
He looked at
himself in the mirror before exiting the door.
magnifique!" he announced to himself.
He had an odd
thought he'd drive to the docks. On the way he noticed that only
skinny girls demanded his attention. The skinnier the better. He
started wondering just where was it he could obtain a corn-cob
When he got to
the docks and was looking for a likely ship, a man with a tie and
bowlerhat, a rather wimpy-looking
man, started to approach him. Somehow he knew that the man wanted
to borrow money for a hamburger, and pay for it next Tuesday.
He started to run to avoid him, and ran off the end of the pier.
A giant brute of
a man who needed a shave caught him as he fell off the pier and
saved his life.
para-medics tried to revive him they asked him who he was.
"I yam what I
yam, and that's all that I yam." he muttered, and they took him
A week later
when he got out of the hospital, the doctors told him he'd had an
"And lay off the
spinach," was their advice.
replied, and ended the story right there.