Trixitis and Aliceheimers

Ralph Kramden's best friend, Edward Norton, knocks on the Kramden's apartment door.

Ralph gets up from the living room\ dining room\ kitchen table and answers the door.

Ralph Kramden: Oh it's you! Come on in Ed.

Ed Norton: Hey Ralphie boy, I 've got some bad news for you this time.

Ralph: Oh really Norton! Every time you come around you have bad news for me, so what's different about this time?

Ed: Trixie doesn't want me to come and see you as much as I have in the past. She wants me to spend some quality time with her.

Ralph: Quality time, quality time---

Ed: Yeah, whatever that is. She gave me Trixitis.

Ralph: Trixitis?

Ed: Yeah, she smacked my left arm with that cast iron skillet of hers and now my arm is numb!

Ralph: Did she ever smack you in the head with it because something else is numb as well!

Ed: What would that be old buddy, old friend and pal of---

Ralph: See what I mean! Let me tell you what I would do if I were you!

Ed: I'm all ears Ralphie boy.

Ralph's wife, Alice opens the apartment door and walks in to see Ralph and Ed standing in the dining room\kitchen.

Alice Kramden: Hello Ralph, Ed. I just talked to Trixie upstairs and she told me that she wants to spend more time with you Ed. I told her that it would be a nice thing for you to do.

Ed: Yeah, I was just telling Ralph the very same thing.

Alice: Ralph, what do you think about Trixie and Norton sharing quality time together?

Ralph: I was just telling Norton that he was spending to much time in our apartment and not enough time in his.

Alice continues on to the bedroom.

Ed: You were? I thought that you were going to tell me how to get out of this---

Ralph: Aliceheimers, Ed, aliceheimers!

Ralph is frantically pointing towards the bedroom.

Alice: Yes Ralph?

Ralph: I said Alice honey, we need to spend some quality time together.

Alice comes running out of the bedroom with a smile on her face.

Alice: Really Ralph, do you mean it?

Ralph: Hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubba---

Ed: Well Ralphie boy, it seems to me that you have Aliceitis!

Ralph: Get out Norton, get out, right now!

Ralph is pointing to the exit in anger.

Ed backs off but doesn't leave.

Ed: Have fun spending quality time with Alice, Ralph!

Alice: I'm sure that he will Ed. Won't you Ralph?

Ralph: I've been set up! The three of you planned this quality time---

Alice: Well Ralph, I've planned a trip to mother's for a week.

Ralph's eyes bug out and he falls back passing out on the floor.

Ed: Looks like Ralph has a bad case of mother-in-lawitis!

Alice: Yeah Ed, but I doubt he'll ever get mother-in-lawheimers.

Ed: You heard?

Alice: There's nothing wrong with my hearing Ed! And Trixie's standing outside the door. Aren't you Trixie?

Trixie: That's right, and I heard everthing as well.

Trixie opens the apartment door and walks in.

Ed's eyes bug out and he joins Ralph on the floor.

Alice: Well Trixie, ready to spend some quality time together?

Trixie giggles and smiles.

Trixie: Sure, where are we going to shop today?