Ralph Kramden's best friend, Edward Norton, knocks on the Kramden's apartment door.
Ralph gets up from the living room dining room kitchen table and answers the door.
Ralph Kramden: Oh it's you! Come on in Ed.
Ed Norton: Hey Ralphie boy, I 've got some bad news for you this time.
Ralph: Oh really Norton! Every time you come around you have bad news for me, so what's different about this time?
Ed: Trixie doesn't want me to come and see you as much as I have in the past. She wants me to spend some quality time with her.
Ralph: Quality time, quality time---
Ed: Yeah, whatever that is. She gave me Trixitis.
Ed: Yeah, she smacked my left arm with that cast iron skillet of hers and now my arm is numb!
Ralph: Did she ever smack you in the head with it because something else is numb as well!
Ed: What would that be old buddy, old friend and pal of---
Ralph: See what I mean! Let me tell you what I would do if I were you!
Ed: I'm all ears Ralphie boy.
Ralph's wife, Alice opens the apartment door and walks in to see Ralph and Ed standing in the dining roomkitchen.
Alice Kramden: Hello Ralph, Ed. I just talked to Trixie upstairs and she told me that she wants to spend more time with you Ed. I told her that it would be a nice thing for you to do.
Ed: Yeah, I was just telling Ralph the very same thing.
Alice: Ralph, what do you think about Trixie and Norton sharing quality time together?
Ralph: I was just telling Norton that he was spending to much time in our apartment and not enough time in his.
Alice continues on to the bedroom.
Ed: You were? I thought that you were going to tell me how to get out of this---
Ralph: Aliceheimers, Ed, aliceheimers!
Ralph is frantically pointing towards the bedroom.
Alice: Yes Ralph?
Ralph: I said Alice honey, we need to spend some quality time together.
Alice comes running out of the bedroom with a smile on her face.
Alice: Really Ralph, do you mean it?
Ralph: Hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubba---
Ed: Well Ralphie boy, it seems to me that you have Aliceitis!
Ralph: Get out Norton, get out, right now!
Ralph is pointing to the exit in anger.
Ed backs off but doesn't leave.
Ed: Have fun spending quality time with Alice, Ralph!
Alice: I'm sure that he will Ed. Won't you Ralph?
Ralph: I've been set up! The three of you planned this quality time---
Alice: Well Ralph, I've planned a trip to mother's for a week.
Ralph's eyes bug out and he falls back passing out on the floor.
Ed: Looks like Ralph has a bad case of mother-in-lawitis!
Alice: Yeah Ed, but I doubt he'll ever get mother-in-lawheimers.
Ed: You heard?
Alice: There's nothing wrong with my hearing Ed! And Trixie's standing outside the door. Aren't you Trixie?
Trixie: That's right, and I heard everthing as well.
Trixie opens the apartment door and walks in.
Ed's eyes bug out and he joins Ralph on the floor.
Alice: Well Trixie, ready to spend some quality time together?
Trixie giggles and smiles.
Trixie: Sure, where are we going to shop today?