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Trixitis and Aliceheimers

By: Stormbird Throneshaker

Page 1, A short \"Honeymooners\" story, humorus script written 08/02/2012

Ralph Kramden's best friend, Edward Norton, knocks on the Kramden's apartment door.

Ralph gets up from the living room dining room kitchen table and answers the door.

Ralph Kramden: Oh it's you! Come on in Ed.

Ed Norton: Hey Ralphie boy, I 've got some bad news for you this time.

Ralph: Oh really Norton! Every time you come around you have bad news for me, so what's different about this time?

Ed: Trixie doesn't want me to come and see you as much as I have in the past. She wants me to spend some quality time with her.

Ralph: Quality time, quality time---

Ed: Yeah, whatever that is. She gave me Trixitis.

Ralph: Trixitis?

Ed: Yeah, she smacked my left arm with that cast iron skillet of hers and now my arm is numb!

Ralph: Did she ever smack you in the head with it because something else is numb as well!

Ed: What would that be old buddy, old friend and pal of---

Ralph: See what I mean! Let me tell you what I would do if I were you!

Ed: I'm all ears Ralphie boy.

Ralph's wife, Alice opens the apartment door and walks in to see Ralph and Ed standing in the dining roomkitchen.

Alice Kramden: Hello Ralph, Ed. I just talked to Trixie upstairs and she told me that she wants to spend more time with you Ed. I told her that it would be a nice thing for you to do.

Ed: Yeah, I was just telling Ralph the very same thing.

Alice: Ralph, what do you think about Trixie and Norton sharing quality time together?

Ralph: I was just telling Norton that he was spending to much time in our apartment and not enough time in his.

Alice continues on to the bedroom.

Ed: You were? I thought that you were going to tell me how to get out of this---

Ralph: Aliceheimers, Ed, aliceheimers!

Ralph is frantically pointing towards the bedroom.

Alice: Yes Ralph?

Ralph: I said Alice honey, we need to spend some quality time together.

Alice comes running out of the bedroom with a smile on her face.

Alice: Really Ralph, do you mean it?

Ralph: Hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubbaduh, hubba---

Ed: Well Ralphie boy, it seems to me that you have Aliceitis!

Ralph: Get out Norton, get out, right now!

Ralph is pointing to the exit in anger.

Ed backs off but doesn't leave.

Ed: Have fun spending quality time with Alice, Ralph!

Alice: I'm sure that he will Ed. Won't you Ralph?

Ralph: I've been set up! The three of you planned this quality time---

Alice: Well Ralph, I've planned a trip to mother's for a week.

Ralph's eyes bug out and he falls back passing out on the floor.

Ed: Looks like Ralph has a bad case of mother-in-lawitis!

Alice: Yeah Ed, but I doubt he'll ever get mother-in-lawheimers.

Ed: You heard?

Alice: There's nothing wrong with my hearing Ed! And Trixie's standing outside the door. Aren't you Trixie?

Trixie: That's right, and I heard everthing as well.

Trixie opens the apartment door and walks in.

Ed's eyes bug out and he joins Ralph on the floor.

Alice: Well Trixie, ready to spend some quality time together?

Trixie giggles and smiles.

Trixie: Sure, where are we going to shop today?


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